Thursday, May 24, 2018

Eighty-One

"With all this talking, what has been said?
The subtle truth can be pointed at with words, but it
can't be contained by them.

Take time to listen to what is said without words, to
obey the law too subtle to be written, to worship
the unnameable and to embrace the unformed.
Love your life.
Trust the Tao.
Make love with the invisible subtle origin of the
universe, and you will give yourself everything you
need.

You won't have to hide away forever in spiritual
retreats.
You can be a gentle, contemplative hermit right here
in the middle of everything, utterly unaffected,
thoroughly sustained and rewarded by your integral
practices.

Encouraging others, giving freely to all, awakening
and purifying the world with each movement and
action, you'll ascend to the divine realm in broad
daylight.

The breath of the Tao speaks, and those who are in
harmony with it hear quite clearly."

I am forcing myself to finish this on the day I found out my baby has died. There is nothing else for me to do right now, and I am relieved to be done. Of course, I had hoped to launch from this blog into a new and hopeful journey, but I guess the answer is, "Not now." I still wait. 

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Eighty

"The world is full of half-enlightened masters.
Overly clever, too 'sensitive' to live in the real world,
they surround themselves with selfish pleasures and
bestow their grandiose teachings upon the unwary.
Prematurely publicizing themselves, intent upon
reaching some spiritual climax, they constantly
sacrifice the truth and deviate from the Tao.
What they really offer the world is their own
confusion.

The true master understands that enlightenment is not
the end, but the means.
Realizing that virtue is her goal, she accepts the long
and often arduous cultivation that is necessary to
attain it.
She doesn't scheme to become a leader, but quietly
shoulders whatever responsibilities fall to her.

Unattached to her accomplishments, taking credit for
nothing at all, she guides the whole world by
guiding the individuals who come to her.
She shares her divine energy with her students,
encouraging them, creating trials to strengthen
them, scolding them to awaken them, directing the
streams of their lives toward the infinite ocean of
the Tao.

If you aspire to this sort of mastery, then root yourself
in the Tao.

Relinquish your negative habits and attitudes.
Strengthen your sincerity.
Live in the real world, and extend your virtue to it
without discrimination in the daily round.
Be the truest father or mother, the truest brother or
sister, the truest friend, and the truest disciple.
Humbly respect and serve your teacher, and dedicate
your entire being unwaveringly to self-cultivation.
Then you will surely achieve self-mastery and be able
to help others in doing the same."

I feel frustrated when contemplating how little time any of us has here. At the same time, I often marvel at how little time even a monumental-seeming task can take. The anticipation expends more energy than the doing; in the words of my step-dad's dad, "...won't get done just thinking about it!" This blog, at this time, represents my efforts to ground myself both inside and outside my own head. At the moment I can only guess at the effectiveness of it all, especially as I have felt my momentum slowing. By now I hope for a graceful, rather than just a timely, finish--and for the energy to keep going with the many projects I have struggled with over the years. Perhaps it's time to put old struggles to rest, as I take up new ones to face new life challenges. 

Saturday, May 19, 2018

Seventy-Nine

"Those in future generations who study and practice the
truth of these teachings will be blessed.
They will acquire the subtle light of wisdom, the
mighty sword of clarity that cuts through all
obstruction, and the mystical pearl of
understanding that envelops the entire universe.
They will attain the insight necessary to perceive the
integral truth of the Tao.
Following this truth with unabashed sincerity, they
will become it: whole, courageous, indestructible,
unnameable."

I have indeed been blessed by my pursuit of the Tao over the years. Especially as I move so slowly toward the end of this part of the project, how much wisdom I have actually gleaned remains to be seen. I rather hope I won't be too aware of it, instead finding myself buoyed by the indestructible and unnameable at moments when I'm fractured and lack courage. The fact that I have reached such a point in life at all points to the indestructible and unnameable in its very pursuit of me! 

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

Seventy-Eight

"There are many partial religions, and then there is the
Integral Way.
Partial religions are desperate, clever, human
inventions; the Integral Way is a deep expression of
the pure, whole, universal mind.
Partial religions rely on the hypnotic manipulation of
undeveloped minds; the Integral Way is founded on
the free transmutation of the plain, natural,
immutable truth.
It is a total reality, not an occult practice.

The Integral Way eschews conceptual fanaticism,
extravagant living, fancy food, violent music.
They spoil the serenity of one's mind and obstruct
one's spiritual development.
Renouncing what is fashionable and embracing what is
plain, honest, and virtuous, the Integral Way
returns you to the subtle essence of life.
Adopt its practices and you will become like they are:
honest, simple, true, virtuous, whole.

You see, in partial pursuits, one's transformation is
always partial as well.
But in integral self-cultivation, it is possible to achieve
a complete metamorphosis, to transcend your
emotional and biological limitations and evolve to a
higher state of being.

By staying out of the shadows and following this
simple path, you become extraordinary,
unfathomable, a being of profound cosmic subtlety.
You outlive time and space by realizing the subtle
truth of the universe."

What I'm seeking here is a deep expression of my own mind, and a chance to connect more deeply with what, and Who, is important to me. I am in a time of slowing down and changing focus, but I am determined to see this project through to the end, whenever and wherever that may be. 

Friday, May 11, 2018

Seventy-Seven

"Humanity grows more and more intelligent, yet there
is clearly more trouble and less happiness daily.
How can this be so?
It is because intelligence is not the same thing as
wisdom.

When a society misuses partial intelligence and
ignores holistic wisdom, its people forget the
benefits of a plain and natural life.
Seduced by their desires, emotions, and egos, they
become slaves to bodily demands, to luxuries, to
power and unbalanced religion and psychological
excuses.
Then the reign of calamity and confusion begins.

Nonetheless, superior people can awaken during times
of turmoil to lead others out of the mire.
But how can the one liberate the many?
By first liberating his own being.
He does this not by elevating himself, but by lowering
himself.
He lowers himself to that which is simple, modest,
true; integrating it into himself, he becomes a
master of simplicity, modesty, truth.

Completely emancipated from his former false life, he
discovers his original pure nature, which is the pure
nature of the universe.

Freely and spontaneously releasing his divine energy,
he constantly transcends complicated situations and
draws everything around him back into an integral
oneness.
Because he is a living divinity, when he acts, the
universe acts."

I count myself grateful that I have learned to apply my intelligence in the pursuit of wisdom. By becoming more in tune with myself, I hope I can understand the world and my place in it. I am just starting to discover my personal power. I used to regret that it seems to have taken so long, but now I appreciate my staying power. 

Tuesday, May 8, 2018

Seventy-Six

"Who can save the world?

Perhaps one who devotedly follows these teachings,
who calms her mind,
who ignores all divergence, who develops a high
awareness of the subtle truths,
who merges her virtue with the universal virtue and
extends it to the world without expectation of
reward.

She will indeed be the savior of the world."

This saving business is everyone's business. We like to create a culture that tells us we can't save anyone, or solve anyone else's problems. That may be specifically true, but a companion truth is that we all have things and people we care about, things and people we would lay down our own lives for. "Save the whales." "Save the bees." We can all do a lot more for each other than any of us will ever know. 

Sunday, May 6, 2018

Seventy-Five

"Would you like to liberate yourself from the lower
realms of life?
Would you like to save the world from the degradation
and destruction it seems destined for?
Then step away from shallow mass movements and
quietly go to work on your own self-awareness.

If you want to awaken all of humanity, then awaken
all of yourself.
If you want to eliminate the suffering in the world,
then eliminate all that is dark and negative in
yourself.
Truly, the greatest gift you have to give is that of your
own self-transformation.

So find a teacher who is an integral being, a beacon
who extends his light and virtue with equal ease to
those who appreciate him and those who don't.
Shape yourself in his mold, bathe in his nourishing
radiance, and reflect it out to the rest of the world.
You will come to understand an eternal truth: there is
always a peaceful home for a virtuous being."

Lasting change, I think, is never really about elimination, but transformation. One might read this and say, "Well, that's obvious, change = transformation." Not really. Change is easier, or at least faster. People often say about situations, "Things can change in an instant." While that's true, transformation has to do with our response to the change. Shall I stay in the dark, or start a fire to bring light? Does the negativity always have to be bad, or can I be with it long enough to learn how to handle a negative situation differently? These are the questions I am learning to ask myself. While I can say that on one hand it's taken a long time, on the other it refreshes me to think this is only the beginning. 

Thursday, May 3, 2018

Seventy-Four

"There are those who derive energy from worshipping
and meditating on divine beings and deities.
If you feel inclined to worship, then worship these:

Worship the fiery sun, repository of yang, and the
watery moon, repository of yin;

Worship the spiritual centers of men and women,
which are angelic in every sense;

Worship the Eight Great Manifestations: Heaven,
Earth, Water, Fire, Thunder, Lake, Wind, and
Mountain;

Worship the sixty-four hexagrams of the I Ching,
which illuminate the underlying harmony of the
universe;

Finally, worship the Great Tai Chi, in which all things
are contained, balanced, and reposed."

Encountering the many great truths of the universe has helped me to be unafraid in facing the truth of my own being and life. It is the greatest blessing to understand and act on co-creating the truth to which I have been called. 

Tuesday, May 1, 2018

Seventy-Three

"The teacher cannot aid the student as long as the
student's spirit is contaminated.
The cleansing of the spiritual contamination is not the
responsibility of the teacher, but of the student.
It is accomplished by offering one's talent, resources,
and life to the world.
Also, to the teacher and to the immortal angels that
surround him, a healthy student can offer his pure
energy, and a depleted student can give at the very
least food, or wine, or service.

When one gives whatever one can without restraint,
the barriers of individuality break down.
It no longer becomes possible to tell whether it is the
student offering himself to the teacher, or the
teacher offering herself to the student.
One sees only two immaculate beings, reflecting one
another like a pair of brilliant mirrors."

The biggest thing teaching has taught me is that the teacher/student relationship is not a dichotomy; we are all both, all the time. We all have times of depletion and times of purity. If I am consistent in offering, even if what I have to offer varies from moment to moment, I will have done right. 

Sunday, April 29, 2018

Seventy-Two

"If you wish to gain merit and become one with the
divine, then develop your virtue and extend it to the
world.
Abandon fancy theologies and imaginary ideas and do
some ordinary daily work, such as healing.
Let go of all conflict and strife.
Practice unswerving kindness and unending patience.
Avoid following impulses and pursuing ambitions
which destroy the wholeness of your mind and
separate you from the Integral Way.
Neither become obsessed with circumstances nor
forego awareness of them.
To manage your mind, know that there is nothing,
and then relinquish all attachment to the
nothingness."

I still think of myself as a recovering teacher, which means healing has become my daily work. I am grateful that I can do that and still survive. Maybe someday I will really feel myself thriving. 

Saturday, April 28, 2018

Seventy-One

"The transformation toward eternal life is gradual.
The heavy, gross energy of body, mind, and spirit
must first be purified and uplifted.
When the energy ascends to the subtle level, then
self-mastery can be taught.

A wise instructor teaches the powerful principles of
self-integration only to those who have already
achieved a high level of self-purification and
self-mastery.
In addition, all proper teaching follow the law of
energy response: the most effective method is always
that to which the student's natural energy most
harmoniously responds.
For one, celibacy and self-cultivation will be
appropriate; for another, properly guided dual
cultivation will derive the greatest benefit.
A discerning teacher will determine the proper balance
of practices for each individual.

In any case, know that all teachers and techniques are
only transitional: true realization comes from the
direct merger of one's being with the divine energy
of the Tao."

I sometimes find it so reassuring that we have our whole lives to work toward our goals. On the other hand, since none of us knows while we live how long our whole lives will be, perhaps the best approach is the one Toni Morrison's character takes in Beloved: "Today is always here. Tomorrow, never." I like the way a friend of mine puts it best. He says, "I don't want to live every day as if it's my last; I want to live as if I'll live for a hundred years." I have learned, slowly, that building toward the future is the best gift I can give. It may not be a future I see, but it will be the future for someone. 

Friday, April 27, 2018

Seventy

"The cords of passion and desire weave a blinding net
around you.
Worldly confrontation makes you stiff and inflexible.
The trap of duality is tenacious.
Bound, rigid, and trapped, you cannot experience
liberation.

Through dual cultivation it is possible to unravel the
net, soften the rigidity, dismantle the trap.
Dissolving your yin energy into the source of universal
life, attracting the yang energy from that same
source, you leave behind individuality and your life
becomes pure nature.
Free of ego, living naturally, working virtuously, you
become filled with inexhaustible vitality and are
liberated forever from the cycle of death and
rebirth.

Understand this if nothing else: spiritual freedom
and oneness with the Tao are not randomly
bestowed gifts, but the rewards of conscious
self-transformation and self-evolution."

I have to slow down and back up when I find myself becoming overwhelmed or confused about what to do. As I prepare to enter this new but long-awaited chapter of my life, I keep feeling like I should have more to show for everything that went before. Right now there is nothing more demoralizing than that, and I find myself running out of energy to deal with it. I have to believe that while I live there is always potential to grow and improve. The fact that right now that doesn't look quite how I'd like it to doesn't mean it never has or never will. 

Wednesday, April 25, 2018

Sixty-Nine

"A person's approach to sexuality is a sign of his level of
evolution.
Unevolved persons practice ordinary sexual
intercourse.
Placing all emphasis upon the sexual organs, they
neglect the body's other organs and systems.
Whatever physical energy is accumulated is summarily
discharged, and the subtle energies are similarly
dissipated and disordered.
It is a great backward leap.
For those who aspire to the higher realms of living,
there is angelic dual cultivation.
Because every portion of the body, mind, and spirit
yearns for the integration of yin and yang, angelic
intercourse is led by the spirit rather than the sexual
organs.

Where ordinary intercourse is effortful, angelic
cultivation is calm, relaxed, quiet, and natural.
Where ordinary intercourse unites sex organs with sex
organs, angelic cultivation unites spirit with spirit,
mind with mind, and every cell of one body with
every cell of the other body.
Culminating not in dissolution but in integration, it is
an opportunity for a man and woman to mutually
transform and uplift each other into the realm of bliss and wholeness.

The sacred ways of angelic intercourse are taught only
by one who has himself achieved total energy
integration, and taught only to students who follow
the Integral Way with profound devotion, seeking
to purify and pacify the entire world along with
their own being.

However, if your virtue is especially radiant, it can be
possible to open a pathway to the subtle realm and
receive these celestial teaching directly from the
immortals."

An opportunity for mutual transformation and uplift is what I seek in all my relationships. Marriage provides a unique gift of this, and aspects of it can radiate into every connection. I believe this is our divine energy at work in the world. As humans, we are made to be in relationship. I want to celebrate that every day.


Monday, April 23, 2018

Sixty-Eight

"In angelic dual cultivation, one learns to follow the
Tao.
To approach the Tao, you will need all your sincerity,
for it is elusive, first revealing itself in form and
image, then dissolving into subtle, indefinable
essence.

Though it is uncreated itself, it creates all things.
Because it has no substance, it can enter into where
there is no space.
Exercising by returning to itself, winning victories by
remaining gentle and yielding, it is softer than
anything, and therefore it overcomes everything
hard.

What does this tell you about the benefit of non-action
and silence?"

Non-action and silence are two things I'm learning the great value of at this period of my life. It's taking me a lot to unlearn the "busy-ness" of my work and professional life. I really overextended myself last year and it's interesting to have an entirely different sort of challenge to look forward to as I continue to recuperate from that. I hope to take the wisdom from this stillness and apply it deeply and carefully to my next active growth period. 

Sunday, April 22, 2018

Sixty-Seven

"To achieve the highest levels of life, one must
continually combine new levels of yin and yang.
In nature, the male energy can be found in such
sources as the sun and the mountains, and the
female in such sources as the earth, the moon, and
the lakes.
Those who study these things, which are only hinted
at here, will benefit immeasurably.

Because higher and higher unions of yin and yang are
necessary for the conception of higher life, some
students may be instructed in the art of dual
cultivation, in which yin and yang are directly
integrated in the tai chi of sexual intercourse.
If the student is not genuinely virtuous and the
instruction not that of a true master, dual
cultivation can have a destructive effect.
If genuine virtue and true mastery come together,
however, the practice can bring about a profound
balancing of the student's gross and subtle energies.
The result of this is improved health, harmonized
emotions, the cessation of desires and impulses,
and, at the highest level, the transcendent
integration of the entire energy body."

I have talked to people who say transcendence by humans is impossible. I disagree. I believe we all have power within us to transcend circumstances and situations that hold us back. Doing so takes time, and we need certain tools and relationships in our lives to help us do it, but even as we achieve those in a series of steps or otherwise, we are transcending.  

Friday, April 20, 2018

Sixty-Six

"The first integration of yin and yang is the union of
seed and egg within the womb.
The second integration of yin and yang is the sexual
union of the mature male and female.
Both of these are concerned with flesh and blood, and
all that is conceived in this realm must one day
disintegrate and pass away.

It is only the third integration which gives birth to
something immortal.
In this integration, a highly evolved individual joins
the subtle inner energies of yin and yang under the
light of spiritual understanding.
Through the practices of the Integral Way he refines
his gross, heavy energy into something ethereal and
light.
This divine light has the capability of penetrating into
the mighty ocean of spiritual energy and complete
wisdom that is the Tao.

The new life created by the final integration is self-
aware yet without ego, capable of inhabiting a body
yet not attached to it, and guided by wisdom rather
than emotion.
Whole and virtuous, it can never die."

All I've ever wanted is to be whole and virtuous. I know I can accomplish neither on my own. Completing my journey out of isolation at last, I believe I am now closer than I have ever been, yet I still feel there is so much to do. That in itself is a blessing.

Thursday, April 19, 2018

Sixty-Five

"The interplay of yin and yang within the womb of the
Mysterious Mother creates the expansion and
contraction of nature.
Although the entire universe is created out of this
reproductive dance, it is but a tiny portion of her
being.
Her heart is the Universal Heart, and her mind the
Universal Mind.

The reproductive function is also a part of human
beings.
Because yin and yang are not complete within us as
individuals, we pair up to integrate them and bring
forth new life.
Although most people spend their entire lives
following this biological impulse, it is only a tiny
portion of our beings as well.
If we remain obsessed with seeds and eggs, we are
married to the fertile reproductive valley of the
Mysterious Mother but not to her immeasurable
heart and all-knowing mind.

If you wish to unite with her heart and mind, you
must integrate yin and yang within and refine their
fire upward.
Then you have the power to merge with the whole
being of the Mysterious Mother.

This is what is known as true evolution."

I don't have a lot of energy right now to write about some of the unpopular opinions and views I hold that this is bringing up for me. My life path has turned out a lot different than how I had hoped it would, much more challenging. In most ways better, I'm sure, but of course it doesn't always feel that way. Over time I have come to pride myself on not shirking any responsibility or difficulty that comes my way. I believe my next great task will be learning once and for all how to find joy in the midst of the challenges. 

Wednesday, April 18, 2018

Sixty-Three

"There are three layers to the universe:
In the lower, Tai Ching, and the middle, Shan Ching,
the hindrance of a physical bodily existence is
required.
Those who fail to live consistently in accord with Tao
reside here.

In the upper, Yu Ching, there is only Tao: the bondage
of form is broken, and the only thing existing is the
exquisite energy dance of the immortal divine
beings.

Those who wish to enter Yu Ching should follow the
Integral Way.
Simplify the personality, refine the sexual energy
upward, integrate yin and yang in body, mind, and
spirit, practice non-impulsiveness, make your
conscience one with pure law, and you will uncover
truth after truth and enter the exquisite upper
realm.

This path is clearly defined and quite simple to follow,
yet most lose themselves in ideological fogs of their
own making."

I suppose one could say this blog is my ongoing effort to penetrate the ideological fog I perceive closing in around me and my communities. I will persist! 

Sixty-Four

"In earlier times, people lived simply and serenely.
Sensitive to the fluctuations that constantly occur, they
were able to adjust comfortably to the energy of the
day.

Today, people lead hysterical, impulsive lives.
Ignoring the subtle alterations of yin and yang which
influence all things, they become confused,
exhausted, and frustrated.
However, even today one can restore wholeness and
clarity to one's mind.
The way to do this is through study of the I Ching.

Like the cycle of day and night, everything is a tai chi
incorporating movements between yin and yang.
If you do not see the patterns in these movements, you
are lost.
But if you consult the I Ching with an open mind,
you will begin to see the patterns underlying all
things.
Knowing that daybreak will come, you can rest
peacefully at night.

When you accurately perceive the fluidity of things,
you also begin to perceive the constancy behind
them: the creative, transformative, boundless,
immutable Tao.
To see this is the ultimate education, and the ultimate
solace."

At the beginning of this year, I started throwing the I Ching daily. As life gradually became more fluid with big changes in the works for the rest of this year, I've been more intermittent with this practice. Interestingly, it's all brought me closer to the tradition I embraced first. I am convinced that all things like this bring us back to the one creative force: Love. They give us the tools to reckon with it and heal things in ourselves that block and pervert it. I am grateful for this blessing I have received to consider, explore, and create. May it only continue. 

Monday, April 16, 2018

Sixty-Two

"Do you wish to attain pure Tao?
Then you must understand and integrate within
yourself the three main energies of the universe.

The first is the earth energy.
Centered in the belly, it expresses itself as sexuality.
Those who cultivate and master the physical energy
attain partial purity.

The second is the heaven energy.
Centered in the mind, it expresses itself as knowledge
and wisdom.
Those whose minds merge with the Universal Mind
also attain partial purity.

The third is the harmonized energy.
Centered in the heart, it expresses itself as spiritual
insight.
Those who develop spiritual insight also attain partial
purity.

Only when you achieve all three--mastery of the
physical energy, universal mindedness, and spiritual
insight--and express them in a virtuous integral
life, can you attain pure Tao."

Given that we are all here for a finite period of time, I think it is tempting to look at any process of mastery as linear, at least at the outset. When it came to my spiritual pursuits, my initial thinking was no different. First I'd take on one aspect, then the next, then another. Gradually I've realized that I'm not the one in charge of the process, so that I've stopped being surprised when things are introduced to me seemingly out of order. Tao is all about the flow, and I think I'm finally starting to be comfortable going with it. 

Sunday, April 15, 2018

Sixty-One

"To understand the universe, you must study and
understand these things:
First, the Oneness, the Tao, the Great Tai Chi;
Second, the Great Two, the forces of yin and yang;
Third, the Three Main Categories, expressed either as
Heaven, Earth, or Man, or as body, mind, and
spirit;
Fourth, the Four Forces, strong, weak, light, and
heavy;
Fifth, the Five Elements, symbolized by water, fire,
wood, metal, and earth;
Sixth, the Six Breaths--wind, cold, heat, moisture,
dryness, and inflammation--which transform the
climate and internal organs;
Seventh, the processes of change and recycling;
Eighth, the Eight Great Manifestations--Heaven,
Earth, Water, Fire, Thunder, Lake, Wind, and
Mountain--the combinations of which reveal the
subtle energetic truth of all situations, as taught in
the I Ching.

Understanding these things, you can employ them
internally to leave behind what is old and dead and
to embrace what is new and alive.
Once discovered, this process of internal alchemy
opens the mystical gate to spiritual immortality."

For a long time I have been working on leaving behind what is old and dead. Waiting for what's new and alive has been a correspondingly long process, but I'm glad I've made it this far. 

Saturday, April 14, 2018

Sixty

"The mystical techniques for achieving immortality are
revealed only to those who have dissolved all ties to
the gross worldly realm of duality, conflict, and
dogma.
As long as your shallow worldly ambitions exist, the
door will not open.

Devote yourself to living a virtuous, integrated,
selfless life.
Refine your energy from gross and heavy to subtle and
light.
Use the practices of the Integral Way to transform
your superficial worldly personality into a profound,
divine presence.

By going through each stage of development along the
Integral Way, you learn to value what is important
today in the subtle realm rather than what appears
desirable tomorrow in the worldly realm.

Then the mystical door will open, and you can join the
unruling rulers and uncreating creators of the vast
universe."

I learned early on in my life that I had to let go of everything. I understood that I was not in charge, but I often longed to be entrusted with more. The only problem was I didn't trust myself, and so I didn't figure others put much stock in me, either. It's taken me a long time to heal from all of that. I still do my best to let go, but I understand now that it's part of a process of finding what's best for me. 

Friday, April 13, 2018

Fifty-Nine

"Greed for enlightenment and immortality is no
different than greed for material wealth.
It is self-centered and dualistic, and thus an obstacle to
true attainment.
Therefore these states are never achieved by this who
covet them; rather, they are the reward of the
virtuous.

If you wish to become a divine immortal angel, then
restore the angelic qualities of your being through
virtue and service.
This is the only way to gain the attention of the
immortals who teach the methods of energy
enhancement and integration that are necessary to
reach the divine realm.

These angelic teachers cannot be sought out; it is they
who seek out the student.
When you succeed in connecting your energy with the
divine realm through high awareness and the
practice of indiscriminating virtue, the
transmission of the ultimate subtle truths will
follow.
This is the path that all angels will take to the divine
realm."

Soon after my conversion, I was hungry. I collected "all the Catholic things," wanted to do all of them, and felt like a failure if I didn't. I still love them, and my Catholic faith, but eventually I realized that all God wanted was for me to be me. I'm still learning that that's actually enough, and that all I really have to do is trust Him to guide me to the things, places, moments and people who will shape me into the person He created. Sometimes I still disbelievingly say, "This is it?" instead of listening for where and to whom He calls me next. When I speak to Him, I can listen better. This is what I do here. 

Fifty-Eight

"Unless the mind, body, and spirit are equally
developed and fully integrated, no spiritual peak or
state of enlightenment can be sustained.
This is why extremist religions and ideologies do not
bear fruit.

When the mind and spirit are forced into unnatural
austerities or adherence to external dogmas, the
body grows sick and weak and becomes a traitor to
the whole being.
When the body is emphasized to the exclusion of the
mind and spirit, they become like trapped snakes:
frantic, explosive, and poisonous to one's person.
All such imbalances inevitably lead to exhaustion and
expiration of the life force.

True self-cultivation involves the holistic integration of
mind,  body, and spirit.
Balancing yin and yang through the various practices
of the Integral Way, one achieves complete unity
within and without.
This manifests in the world as perfect equilibrium.
and perfect grace."

More and more I have come to believe that perfection does not exist. I think pursuit of an ideal is fine, as long as one puts one's attainment in perspective. Progress is always part of the process, even when dealing with fallout from mistakes. Doing things "right" often takes many steps and attempts at learning, all of which are valid and add to experience, which can be a valid attainment of its own. 

Wednesday, April 11, 2018

Fifty-Seven

"The universe is a vast net of energy rays.
The primary ray is that which emanates from the
Subtle Origin, and it is entirely positive, creative,
and constructive.
Each being, however, converts the energy of this
primary ray into its own ray, and these lower rays
can be either positive or negative, constructive or
destructive.

An individual who is not yet fully evolved can be
adversely affected by negative energy rays in the net
around him.
For example, the combined influence of several
negative rays might cause an undeveloped person to
believe that his life is being controlled by an
invisible, oppressive ruler.
Such a misconception can be a significant barrier to
enlightenment.

To attain full evolution and the status of an integral
being, you must be aware of this intricate net and
its influences upon you.
By integrating the positive, harmonious energy rays
with the positive elements of your own being, and
eliminating the subtle negative influences, you can
enhance all aspects of your life.

In order to eliminate the negative influences, simply
ignore them.
To integrate the positive influences, consciously
reconnect yourself with the primary energy ray of
the Subtle Origin by adopting the practices of the
Integral Way.
Then all the rays in the net around you will merge
back into harmonious oneness."

I get stressed out when people around me start talking about "being positive," and "positive energy." Life is a complicated mix of positive, negative, and every other kind of energy, and energy change is the one constant inevitability. The best way I know to face all of that is to focus on what--and Who--is greater than myself. I am grateful for the willingness to do so, as challenging as it can be. 

Fifty-Six

"If you wish to become a person of Tao, then study that
which serves the nature of life, and offer it to the
world.
Allow your devotion to learning the Taoist ways to be
complete.
Partial practice and partial discipline won't do.
You can't know the body by studying the finger, and
you can't understand the universe by learning one
science.
If you study the whole of the Tao wholeheartedly,
then everything in your life will reflect it."

Sometimes I think that if I could be anything, I'd want to be a Taoist Catholic yogini. Devoutly Catholic friends of mine might think I've gone a little nuts, but I aim to honor the legacy of an ex-nun I know who described herself as "catholic, with a small 'c.'" In my own faith life as a devoted practicing Catholic who nevertheless finds herself exploring, this looks like trying to understand what is meant by "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God..." (John 1:1). By now I certainly understand that God speaks His Word to each of His children in myriad different ways. 

Monday, April 9, 2018

Fifty-Five

"The holistic practices of the ancient masters integrate
science, art, and personal spiritual development.
Mind, body, and spirit participate in them equally.
They include:

1. Yi Yau, the healing science which incorporates
    diagnosis, acupuncture, herbal medicine,
    therapeutic diet, and other methods;
2. Syang Ming, the science which predicts a
    person's destiny by observing the outward
    physical manifestations of his face, skeleton,
    palms, and voice;
3. Feng Shui, the science of discerning the subtle
    energy rays present in a geographic location to
    determine whether they will properly support
    the activities of a building or town constructed
    there;
4. Fu Kua, the observation of the subtle alterations
    of yin and yang for the purpose of making
    decisions which are harmonious with the
    apparent and hidden aspects of a situation. The
    foundation of Fu Hua and of all Taoist practice
    is the study of the I Ching, or Book of Changes.
5. Nei Dan, Wai Dan, and Fang Jung, the
    sciences of refining one's personal energy
    through alchemy, chemistry, and the cultivation
    of balanced sexual energy;
6. Tai Syi, the science of revitalization through
    breathing and visualization techniques;
7. Chwun Shi, the transformation of one's spiritual
    essence through keeping one's thoughts in
    accord with the Divine Source;
8. Shu-Ser, the attunement of one's daily life to the
    cycle of universal energy rays;
9. Bi Gu, the practice of fasting on specific days in
    order to gather life energy emanating from the
    harmonized positions of certain stars;
10. San Yi, the science of embracing integral
     transcendental oneness in order to accomplish
     conception of the 'mystical pearl';
11. Tai Chi Ch'uan, the performance of physical
      exercises to induce and direct energy flows
      within the body to gain mastery of body,
      breath, mind, the internal organs, and life and
      death.
12. Fu Chi, the science of reforming and refining
     one's energy with pure food and herbs;
13. Chuan Se, the inner visualization of the unity of
      one's inner and outer being;
14. 'Dzai Jing, the purification of one's energy
     through ascetic practices.
15. Fu Jou, the drawing of mystical pictures and
     the writing and recital of mystical invocations
     for the purpose of evoking a response from the
     subtle realm of the universe;
16. Tsan Syan, the process of dissolving the ego and
      connecting with the Great Oneness through the
      study of classical scriptures and daily dialogue
      with an enlightened master.
17. You Yen and Chi Men, the mystical sciences of
      energy linkage for the purpose of influencing
      external affairs.

Of these, the most important for beginners is the
study of the I Ching, which enables one to perceive
the hidden influences in every situation and thus
establish a balanced and spiritually evolved means of
responding to them.

All are instruments for attaining the Tao.
To study them is to serve universal unity, harmony, and wisdom."

I had actually made a start with the I Ching (also Bryan Browne Walker's translation) earlier this year. I am always willing to explore, and had felt led to it by my continued interest in the Tao and everything related to it. As change began to come to me much faster and sooner than I had anticipated, I took a break from exploring the I Ching in my private writing. Prompted to it yet again here, which seems to be my own Fu Jou, I may pick it up again tomorrow. I am fascinated by how these teachings continue to expand, to resonate, and to be relevant across places, times, and traditions. It's all a gift.

Sunday, April 8, 2018

Fifty-Four

"In ancient times, various holistic sciences were
developed by highly evolved beings to enable their
own evolution and that of others.
These subtle arts were created through the linking of
individual minds with the universal mind.
They are still taught by traditional teachers to those
who display virtue and desire to assist others.

The student who seeks out and studies these teachings
furthers the evolution of mankind as well as her own
spiritual unfolding.
The student who ignores them hinders the
development of all beings."

I think everyone is born with a desire for great things--whether done or acquired, or both--inside them. I certainly was. Over time, I've learned to see and appreciate the greatness of small things, so that I can keep life simple and do what's necessary when necessary. This also allows me always to remain open to that which is greater than myself. 

Fifty-Three

"True understanding in a person has two attributes:
awareness and action.
Together they can form a natural tai chi.

Who can enjoy enlightenment and remain indifferent
to suffering in the world?
This is not in keeping with the Way.
Only those who can increase their service along with their
understanding can be called men and women of
Tao."

When I was teaching, my students would tend to ask me about my "knowledge" of English, and what "knowledge" they needed in order to pass their exams, achieve certain skills, or be successful. In response to this, I always tried to show them what they had to do with what I (and I would hope they, now) know. It was exhausting, but it also taught me how to bring the two attributes together in myself. I certainly never do both all the time, as hard as I try. Sometimes it is enough to be aware of a problem one can't solve on one's own. Sometimes the actions one wishes to take are premature. While I was receiving spiritual direction many years ago, my spiritual director helped me solve this dilemma by keeping one simple thought in mind, "People do the best they can with what they have." I am still learning to develop and share the awareness I have respectfully. I am still learning to discern how, and when, to act on that awareness. But I know I now always have the willingness to do both, and most of my work in the world these days has to do with encouraging that willingness in others. At least, that's what I hope for. 

Friday, April 6, 2018

Fifty-Two

"Do you think you can clear your mind by sitting
constantly in silent meditation?
This makes your mind narrow, not clear.
Integral awareness is fluid and adaptable, present
in all places and at all times.
That is true meditation.

Who can attain clarity and simplicity by avoiding the
world?
The Tao is clear and simple, and it doesn't avoid the
world.

What not simply honor your parents,
love your children,
help your brothers and sisters,
be faithful to your friends,
care for your mate with devotion,
complete your work cooperatively and joyfully,
assume responsibility for problems,
practice virtue without first demanding it of others,
understand the highest truths yet retain an ordinary
manner?

That would be true clarity, true simplicity, true
mastery."

I think I get some part of most of these things right each day. With this blog I am working toward putting them all together in a practice that will carry me through the rest of my life. The further I go, the more truth I discover, so that my notion of right is expanding or strengthening while my sense of wrong pales or diminishes (in the power of wrong or evil) by comparison. A popular saying for some is "what you focus on grows." As I continue to focus on what is correct, I grow more. 

Thursday, April 5, 2018

Fifty-One

"Those who want to know the truth of the universe
should practice the four cardinal virtues.

The first is reverence for all life; this manifests as
unconditional love and respect for oneself and all
other beings.
The second is natural sincerity; this manifests as
honesty, simplicity, and faithfulness.
The third is gentleness; this manifests as kindness,
consideration for others, and sensitivity to spiritual
truth.
The fourth is supportiveness; this manifests as service
to others without expectation of reward.

The four virtues are not an external dogma but a part
of your original nature.
When practiced, they give birth to wisdom and evoke
the five blessings: health, wealth, happiness,
longevity, and peace."

I am grateful for the work I have put into getting in touch with my essential nature as a person. Quieting my mind, learning to soothe my own heart, and opening my soul to greater inspiration have been the most freeing, and yet reassuring, exercises of my life so far. It's exciting and calming at the same time.

Wednesday, April 4, 2018

Fifty

"What good is it to spend your life accumulating
material things?
It isn't in keeping with the Tao.
What benefit in conforming your behavior to
someone's conventions?
It violates your nature and dissipates your energy.
Why separate your spiritual life and your practical life?
To an integral being, there is no such distinction.

Live simply and virtuously, true to your nature,
drawing no line between what is spiritual and what
is not.

Ignore time.
Relinquish ideas and concepts.
Embrace the Oneness.

This is the Integral Way."

My life has always been a little impractical. I have never settled easily into one community, or place, or way of life. I have struggled to recognize this for what it truly is: a source of energy in an ever-deepening (and widening) capacity for change. Change frees me; it makes the struggle worthwhile even as it lessens the struggle bit by bit.

Tuesday, April 3, 2018

Forty-Nine

"Thinking and talking about the Integral Way are not
the same as practicing it.
Who ever became a good rider by talking about
horses?
If you wish to embody the Tao, stop chattering and
start practicing.
Relax your body and quiet your senses.
Return your mind to its original clarity.
Forget about being separated from others and from the
Divine Source.

As you return to the Oneness, do not think of it or be
in awe of it. This is just another way of separating
from it.
Simply merge into truth, and allow it to surround
you."

I am learning to unapologetically do nothing. Because I need rest, I must rest. This is not nothing, but the outside chatter tells us it's nothing. Because I am willing to rest in this "nothing," I can do everything. Eventually, I will do everything unapologetically. 

Monday, April 2, 2018

Forty-Eight

"Do you wish to free yourself of mental and emotional
knots and become one with the Tao?
If so, there are two paths available to you.

The first is the path of acceptance.
Affirm everyone and everything.
Freely extend your goodwill and virtue in every
direction, regardless of circumstances.
Embrace all things as part of the Harmonious
Oneness, and then you will begin to perceive it.

The second path is that of denial.
Recognize that everything you see and think is a
falsehood, an illusion, a veil over the truth.
Peel all the veils away, and you will arrive at the
Oneness.

Though these paths are entirely different, they will
deliver you to the same place: spontaneous
awareness of the Great Oneness.
Once you arrive there, remember: it isn't necessary to
struggle to maintain unity with it.

All you have to do is participate in it."

I am learning to move in the middle way by being willing to consider everything--neither denying nor affirming anything at first. Just being willing to behold, consider, and entertain. If I open myself thus, I can move through the rest of the process--to denial or acceptance--without confusion or fear. I am grateful for a thoughtful mind and a compassionate heart. 

Sunday, April 1, 2018

Forty-Seven

"Dualistic thinking is a sickness.
Religion is a distortion.
Materialism is cruel.
Blind spirituality is unreal.

Chanting is no more holy than listening to the
murmur of a stream, counting prayer beads no more
sacred than simply breathing, religious robes no
more spiritual than work clothes.

If you wish to attain oneness with the Tao, don't get
caught up in spiritual superficialities.
Instead, live a quiet and simple life, free of ideas and
concepts.
Find contentment in the practice of undiscriminating
virtue, the only true power.
Giving to others selflessly and anonymously, radiating
light throughout the world and illuminating your
own darkness, your virtue becomes a sanctuary for
yourself and all beings.

This is what is meant by embodying the Tao."

I think the biggest thing my embrace of the Tao has taught me is how to deal with my all or nothing thinking. I no longer fall into the trap of believing things must be only one way or the other. There can be a range or a spectrum for a variety of experiences, which has nothing to do with a so-called gray area or "in-between," moral or otherwise. When I accept something as being beyond my understanding, I open the best way to begin to learn about it. 

Saturday, March 31, 2018

Forty-Six

"The Tao gives birth to One.
One gives birth to yin and yang.
Yin and yang give birth to all things.
Now forget this.

The complete whole is the complete whole.
So also is any part of the complete whole.
Forget this, too.

Pain and happiness are simply conditions of the ego.
Forget the ego.

Time and space are changing and dissolving, not fixed
and real.
They can be thought of as accessories, but don't think
of them.

Supernatural beings without form extend their life
force throughout the universe to support beings
both formed and unformed.
But never mind this; the supernatural is just a part of
nature, like the natural.
The subtle truth emphasizes neither and includes
both.

All truth is in tai chi: to cultivate the mind, body, or
spirit, simply balance the polarities.
If people understood this, world peace and universal
harmony would naturally arise.

But forget about understanding and harmonizing and
making all things one.
The universe is already a harmonious oneness; just
realize it.

If you scramble about in search of inner peace, you
will lose your inner peace."

I am learning the reality and the importance of my own stillness. In all my other waiting, I never mastered the art of such stillness. Silence yes, but I strained so hard to listen for that for which I waited, that I was never truly still. Now, if I allow my actions to arise authentically out of stillness, I can be more confident that they are right. Less panic and worry means more clarity, peace, and joy. 

Forty-Five

"If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall
into place.
That is true because the mind is the governing aspect
of a human life.
If the river flows clearly and cleanly through the
proper channel, all will be well along its banks.

The Integral Way depends on decreasing, not
increasing:
To correct your mind, rely on not-doing.
Stop thinking and clinging to complications;
keep your mind detached and whole.
Eliminate mental muddiness and obscurity;
keep your mind crystal clear.
Avoid daydreaming and allow your pure original
insight to emerge.
Quiet your emotions and abide in serenity.
Don't go crazy with the worship of idols, images, and
ideas; this is like putting a new head on top of the
head you already have.

Remember: if you can cease all restless activity, your
integral nature will appear."

As quiet as my life is right now, I still find it hard to focus. The feeling that I "should" be doing something at all times is so strong as to be, at times, devastating. What I am learning is that it's as important to rest before a big task as after, beyond what just "a good night's sleep" can provide. Body rest, yes--soul rest, even better. Heart rest--will it ever be possible again,  now? 

Thursday, March 29, 2018

Forty-Four

"This is the nature of the unenlightened mind:
The sense organs, which are limited in scope and
ability, randomly gather information.
This partial information is arranged into judgements,
which are based on previous judgements,
which are usually based on someone else's foolish
ideas.
These false concepts and ideas are then stored in a
highly selective memory system.

Distortion upon distortion: the mental energy flows
constantly through contorted and inappropriate
channels, and the more one uses the mind, the more
confused one becomes.

To eliminate the vexation of the mind, it doesn't help
to do something; this only reinforces the mind's
mechanics.
Dissolving the mind is instead a matter of not-doing:
Simply avoid becoming attached to what you see and
think.
Relinquish the notion that you are separated from the
all-knowing mind of the universe.
Then you can recover your original pure insight and
see through all illusions.
Knowing nothing, you will be aware of everything.

Remember: because clarity and enlightenment are
within your own nature, they are regained without
moving an inch."

I guess I don't have to do anything in particular to be who I am. Sometimes, I suppose, it's enough that I am here and just trying to listen. I will learn what I am meant to, and do with it what I must. 

Wednesday, March 28, 2018

Forty-Three

"In ancient times, people lived holistic lives.
They didn't overemphasize the intellect, but
integrated mind, body, and spirit in all things.
This allowed them to become masters of knowledge
rather than victims of concepts.
If a new invention appeared, they looked for the
troubles it might cause as well as the shortcuts it
offered.
They valued old ways that had been proven effective,
and they valid new ways if they could be proven
effective.

If you want to stop being confused, then emulate these
ancient folk: join your body, mind, and spirit in all
you do.
Choose food, clothing, and shelter that accords with
nature.
Rely on your own body for transportation.
Allow your work and your recreation to be one and the
same.
Do exercise that develops your whole being and not
just your body.
Listen to music that bridges the three spheres of your
being.
Choose leaders for their virtue rather than their wealth
or power.
Serve others and cultivate yourself simultaneously.

Understand that true growth comes from meeting and
solving the problems of life in a way that is
harmonizing to yourself and to others.

If you can follow these simple old ways, you will be
continually renewed."

I understand now that my purpose in starting and continuing this blog has been to focus and simplify my life. This has led me to a moment where I feel few things are difficult, or have to be, at least for long. I have found some internal and external tools for making my way through life with greater ease, more awareness, and less pain. As I feel burdens lift, I am freer to create and enjoy. 

Tuesday, March 27, 2018

Forty-Two

"Nothing in the realm of thought or ideologies is
absolute.
Lean on one for long, and it collapses.
Because of this, there is nothing more futile and
frustrating than relying on the mind.

To arrive at the unshakeable, you must befriend the
Tao.
To do this, quiet your thinking.
Stop analyzing, dividing, making distinctions between
one thing and another.
Simply see that you are at the center of the universe,
and accept all things and beings as parts of your
infinite body.

When you perceive that an act done to another is done
to yourself, you have understood the great truth."

Isn't it wonderful to think we are not bound by narrow, shallow, or hateful ways of thinking? That we can overcome such thoughts just by looking honestly within? It's incredible to me that I don't have to stay hurt, sad, angry, broken, or afraid; no matter how long it takes me to acknowledge those feelings, there is always the potential for change and improvement. 

Monday, March 26, 2018

Forty-One

"Good and bad, self and others, life and death:
Why affirm these concepts? Why deny them?
To do either is to exercise the mind, and the integral
being knows that the manipulations of the mind are
dreams, delusions, and shadows.

Hold one idea, and another competes with it.
Soon the two will be in conflict with a third, and in
time your life is all chatter and contradiction.

Seek instead to keep your mind undivided.
Dissolve all ideas into the Tao."

All I have been wanting to do for most of my life is quiet the chatter, see through the bullshit, get to the heart of what's really essential and true for our time together. I pick a path not knowing if it's the right one; only when I look back do I understand that it couldn't have been any other way. I know know that I can only learn as I go to pick better, so my path will become more clear as I forge ahead.

I have also tried to live my life along this path so that nothing gets left behind. Even when I seem to let go, I carry the experience with me so that I can remember and grow from it. 

Forty

"The natural laws of the universe are inviolable.
Energy condenses into substance.
Food is eaten through the mouth and not the nose.
A person who neglects to breathe will turn blue and
die.
Some things simply can't be dismissed.

It is also a part of the cosmic law that what you say
and do determines what happens in your life.
The ordinary person thinks that this law is external to
himself and he feels confined and controlled by it.
So his desires trouble his mind, his mind troubles his
spirit, and he lives in constant turmoil with himself
and the world.
His whole life is spent struggling.

The superior person recognizes that he and the subtle
law are one.
Therefore he cultivates himself to accord with it,
bringing moderation to his actions and clarity to his
mind.
Doing this, he finds himself at one with all that is
divine and enlightened.
His days are passed drinking in serenity and breathing
out contentment.

This is the profound, simple truth:
You are the master of your life and death.
What you do is what you are."

Wherever else my courage in life has failed me, I have always acted on the courage to evolve. I face change and welcome it. Sometimes, I even encourage it--when it needs encouragement from me. To me change means not only growth and learning, but also greater potential for joy. 

Saturday, March 24, 2018

Thirty-Nine

"If you go searching for the Great Creator, you will
come back empty-handed.
The source of the universe is ultimately unknowable, a
great invisible river flowing forever through a vast
and fertile valley.
Silent and uncreated, it creates all things.

All things are brought forth from the subtle realm into
the manifest world by the mystical intercourse of
yin and yang.
The dynamic river yang pushes forward, the still valley
yin is receptive, and through their integration
things come into existence.
This is known as the Great Tai Chi.

Tai chi is the integral truth of the universe.
Everything is a tai chi: your body, the cosmic body,
form, appearance, wisdom, energy, the unions of
people, the dispersal of time and places.
Each brings itself into existence through the
integration of yin and yang, maintains itself, and
disperses itself without the direction of any creator.
Your creation, your self-transformation, the
accumulation of energy and wisdom, the decline
and cessation of your body: all these take place by
themselves within the subtle operation of the
universe.

Therefore agitated effort is not necessary.
Just be aware of the Great Tai Chi."

I put a lot of effort into everything I do, most recently into striking that balance between strong effort and a relaxed approach. The latter did not exist for me for a long time. I still struggle with the whole notion of it, and tend to hope that my previous efforts have laid the groundwork for a calmer future. I am in a time of seeing some evidence of this, just in the way I have slowed down since the end of last year. I am grateful for my staying power, and for enough work to sustain and grow my life in new directions. 

Friday, March 23, 2018

Thirty-Eight

"Why scurry about looking for the truth?
It vibrates in every thing and every not-thing, right off
the tip of your nose.
Can you be still and see it in the mountain? the pine
tree? yourself?

Don't imagine that you'll discover it by accumulating
more knowledge.
Knowledge creates doubt, and doubt makes you
ravenous for more knowledge.
You can't get full eating this way.
The wise person dines on something more subtle.
He eats the understanding that the named was born
from the unnamed, that all being flows from non-
being, that the describable world emanates from an
indescribable source.
He finds this subtle truth inside his own self, and
becomes completely content.

So who can be still and watch the chess game of the
world?
The foolish are always making impulsive moves, but
the wise know that victory and defeat are decided by
something more subtle.
They see that something perfect exists before any move
is made.

This subtle perfection deteriorates when artificial
actions are taken, so be content not to disturb the
peace.
Remain quiet.
Discover the harmony in your own being.
Embrace it.

If you can do this, you will gain everything, and the
world will become healthy again.
If you can't, you will be lost in the shadows forever."

I had a good day today, but there were lots of mistakes in it, too. I find most of my mistakes occur when my self-doubt finally becomes too much to bear in a given moment. I'm still learning to ask for support, and find I'm pretty good at "listening out" once the mistake has occurred and I can't fill my own head with second-guesses anymore. I still have a long way to go in terms of tuning in to the fact that I have the resources I need to do all the right things and prevent mistakes when needed.


Thirty-Seven

"A superior person cares for the well-being of all
things.
She does this by accepting responsibility for the energy
she manifests, both actively and in the subtle realm.
Looking at a tree, she sees not an isolated event but
root, leaves, trunk, water, soil and sun: each event
related to the others, and "tree" arising out of their
relatedness.
Looking at herself or another, she sees the same thing.

Trees and animals, humans and insects, flowers and
birds:
These are active images of the subtle energies that flow
from the stars throughout the universe. Meeting
and combining with each other and the elements of
the earth, they give rise to all living things.

The superior person understands this, and understands
that her own energies play a part in it.
Understanding these things, she respects the earth as
her mother, the heavens as her father, and all living
things as her brothers and sisters.

Caring for them, she knows that she cares for herself.
Giving to them, she knows that she gives to herself.
At peace with them, she is always at peace with herself."

While I recognize my individuality, I understand that it's wrong to separate myself from others. In whatever differences exist there is usually some parallel that can be drawn to deepen recognition, understanding and, eventually, community. While we are all more than the sums of our parts, each part of ourselves does contribute something integral. Without them all, we wouldn't be who we are, or grow the way we were meant to. 

Wednesday, March 21, 2018

Thirty-Six

"It is entirely possible for you to achieve immortality,
and to experience ab solute joy and freedom forever.
This practice of undiscriminating virtue is the means
to this end.

Practicing kindness and selflessness, you naturally
align your life with the Integral Way.
Aligning your life with the Integral Way, you begin to
eliminate the illusory boundaries between people
and societies, between darkness and light, between
life and death.
Eliminating these illusions, you gain the company of
the highest spiritual beings.
In their company, you are protected from negative
influences and your life energy cannot be dissolved.
Thus do you achieve immortality.

Remember: it is not that those who cultivate
wholeness and virtue in themselves do not encounter
difficulties in life.
It is that they understand that difficulties are the very
road to immortality: by meeting them calmly and
openly, however they unfold, and joyfully
developing themselves in response to them, they
become as natural, as complete, and as eternal as the
Tao itself."

I sometimes like to think that my difficulties are a proving ground, with a purpose for refining and focusing me as I move forward in life. With this mentality sometimes all I feel I move onto are more difficulties, but slowly I find this coming into balance with more peaceful, joyful things. I'm grateful.


Tuesday, March 20, 2018

Thirty-Five

"Intellectual knowledge exists in and of the brain.
Because the brain is part of the body, which must one
day expire, this collection of facts, however large
and impressive, will expire as well.

Insight, however, is a function of the spirit.
Because your spirit follows you through cycle after
cycle of life, death, and rebirth, you have the
opportunity of cultivating insight in an ongoing
fashion.
Refined over time, insight becomes pure, constant,
and unwavering.

This is the beginning of immortality."

I am grateful for my increased and continued focus on spirituality as I grow in life. If I can back up the knowledge I have with the wisdom I live, I will have done right. 

Monday, March 19, 2018

Thirty-Four

"All things in the universe move from the subtle to the
manifest and back again.
Whether the form is that of a star or a person, the
process is the same.
First, the subtle energy exists.
Next, it becomes manifest and takes on life.
After a time, the life passes away, but the subtle
energy goes on, either returning to the subtle
realm, where it remains, or once again attaching to
manifest things.

The character of your existence is determined by the
energies to which you connect yourself.
If you attach yourself to gross energies--loving this
person, hating that clan, rejecting one experience or
habitually indulging in another--then you will lead
a series of heavy, attached lives.
This can go on for a very long and tedious time.

The way of the integral being is to join with higher
things.
By holding to that which is refined and subtle, she
traverses refined and sub the realms.
If she enters the world, she does so lightly, without
attachment.
In this way she can go anywhere without ever leaving
the center of the universe."

The longer I blog like this, about this, whatever this is, the less I fear death. Perhaps death is, after all, just another change--more like a final chapter than an absolute end. 

Sunday, March 18, 2018

Thirty-Three

"Just as the world can reveal itself as particles, the Tao
can reveal itself a human beings.
Though the world and particles aren't the same, neither
are they different.
Though the cosmic body and your body aren't the
same, neither are they different.

Worlds and particles, bodies and beings, time and
space:
All are transient expressions of the Tao.
Unseeable, ungraspable, the Tao is beyond any
attempt to analyze or categorize it.
At the same time, its truth is everywhere you turn.
If you can let go of it with your mind and surround it
with your heart, it will live inside you forever."

With all this talk about particles, it's hard for me to take anything seriously just now. Between this and the language of the verse I chose for today (I of course don't have to use the Catholic translations, but I prefer to in general) this post must be a disappointment. Fortunately, it, like most everything else, is transient. Onward to better things! 

Saturday, March 17, 2018

Thirty-Two

"The ego says that the world is vast, and that the
particles which form it are tiny.
When tiny particles join, it says, the vast world
appears.
When the vast world disperses, it says, tiny particles
appear.

The ego is entranced by all these names and ideas, but
the subtle truth is that the world and particle are the
same; neither one vast, neither one tiny.
Every thing is equal to every other thing.
Names and concepts only block your perception of the
Great Oneness.
Therefore it is wise to ignore them.
Those who live inside their egos are continually
bewildered: they struggle
frantically to know
whether things are large or small,
whether or not there is a purpose
to joining or dispersing,
whether the universe is blind and mechanical or the
divine creation of a conscious being.

In reality there are no grounds for having beliefs or
making comments about such things.
Look behind them instead, and you will discern the
deep, silent, complete truth of the Tao.
Embrace it, and your bewilderment vanishes."

I used to concern myself extensively with the purpose of my life and my place in the world. I now understand that both of these, along with almost everything else, can change and evolve over time. It's so refreshing to my spirit that my identity is not fixed. I may have a certain amount of privilege in saying this, but I am no stranger to the fight against other people's fixed perceptions of my identity. All of it has made me more flexible, more determined, and more aware.

Friday, March 16, 2018

Thirty-One

"The Tao doesn't come and go.
It is always present everywhere, just like the sky.
If your mind is clouded, you won't see it, but that
doesn't mean it isn't there.

All misery is created by the activity of the mind.
Can you let go of words and ideas, attitudes and
expectations?
If so, then the Tao will loom into view.
Can you be still and look inside?
If so, then you will see that the truth is always
available, always responsive."

It's a fairly new idea for me that as I respond to the truth, so it responds to me. I suppose this is similar to what people say about God searching for us even as we are searching for Him. As much as I like to think of and imagine and try to relate to God, I also just think there's value in measuring my growth in relationship to, understanding and experience of ideas. I believe He is a god who supports and enhances our reason, and has given us all the tools we need to use it to greatest effect.


Thursday, March 15, 2018

Thirty

"Words can never convey the beauty of a tree;
to understand it, you must see it with your own
eyes.
Language cannot capture the melody of a song;
to understand it, you must hear it with your own
ears.
So it is with the Tao: the only way to understand it is
to directly experience it.

The subtle truth of the universe is unsayable and
unthinkable.
Therefore the highest teachings are wordless.
My own words are not the medicine, but a
prescription; not the destination, but a map to help
you reach it.
When you get there, quiet your mind and close your
mouth.
Don't analyze the Tao.
Strive instead to live it: silently, undecidedly, with
your whole harmonious being."

Who decides what is the most relevant and valid way to experience something? Is it not equally clear and beautiful to hear the rustling of leaves in the wind, if one cannot see the tree? Is it not equally clear and beautiful to feel the vibrations of the music, if one cannot hear the notes? With whatever senses, capacities, and insights we possess, our lives can be whole and complete. To believe otherwise would seem to disrupt the flow of life itself. 

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Twenty-Nine

"Don't think you can attain total awareness and whole
enlightenment without proper discipline and
practice.
This is egomania.
Appropriate rituals channel your emotions and life
energy toward the light.
Without the discipline to practice them, you will 
tumble constantly backward into darkness.

Here is the great secret:
Just as high awareness of the subtle truth is gained
through virtuous conduct and sustaining
disciplines, so also is it maintained through these
things.
Highly evolved beings know and respect the truth of
this."

My husband and I get in fights about daily routine. He likes it; I don't. At a time when I'm struggling to keep my commitment to this blog, I wonder if this is a character flaw on my part. I like to feel and follow the unique energy, impulses and moments of each day, so I don't get bored or overwhelmed. The truth is that while I'm not easily bored in general, I do hate the restrictions I feel from routine. At a time of life changes, I'd like to use more creativity to make one that enhances our freedom, so I can feel more joy in each day. 

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Twenty-Eight

"It is tempting to view the vast and luminous heavens
as the body of the Tao.
That would be a mistake, however.
If you identify the Tao with a particular shape, you
won't ever see it."

At this point I think it's healthy and refreshing to realize that there are some mysteries which elude even the most nuanced minds.

Monday, March 12, 2018

Twenty-Seven

"Do not imagine that an integral being has the
ambition of enlightening the unaware or raising
worldly people to the divine realm.
To her, there is no self and other, and hence no one to
be raised; no heaven and hell, and hence no
destination.
Therefore her only concern is her own sincerity."

I think the trick is to be concerned without being self-conscious, and to be self-aware without self-aggrandizement. I am grateful for the new challenges that show me there is always more work to be done toward a better, stronger personhood. 

Sunday, March 11, 2018

Twenty-Six

"There are two kinds of blessings.
The first are worldly blessings, which are won by
doing good deeds.
These concern the mind, and this are confined by time
and space.
The second is the integral blessing, which falls on
those who achieve awareness of the Great Oneness.
This awareness liberates you from the bondage of
mind, time, and space to fly freely through the
boundless harmony of the Tao.

Similarly, there are two kinds of wisdom.
The first is worldly wisdom, which is a conceptual
understanding of your experiences.
Because it follows after the events themselves, it
necessarily inhibits your direct understanding of
truth.
The second kind, integral wisdom, involves a direct
participation in every moment: the observer and the
observed are dissolved in the light of pure
awareness, and no mental concepts or attitudes are
present to dim that light.

The blessings and wisdom that accrue to those who
practice the Integral Way and lead others to it are a
billion times greater than all worldly blessings and
wisdom combined."

Nothing and no one can take the true blessings of our lives away from us. I feel a responsibility to grow my blessings like never before.

Saturday, March 10, 2018

Twenty-Five

"Not all spiritual paths lead to the Harmonious
Oneness.
Indeed, most are detours and distractions, nothing
more.
Why not trust the plainness and simplicity of the
Integral Way?
Living with unconditional sincerity,
eradicating all duality,
celebrating the equality of things,
your every moment will be in truth."

I am always excited to discover and develop the ideas that light my way in life. How many of them have made my life outwardly fruitful until now is hard to know at this moment. I am grateful for the chance to keep exploring, if only to discover more of what lies inside me. 

Friday, March 9, 2018

Twenty-Four

"Subtle awareness of the truth of the universe should
not be regarded as an achievement.
To think in terms of achieving it is to place it outside
your own nature.
This is erroneous and misleading.

Your nature and the integral nature of the universe are
one and the same: indescribable, but eternally
present.
Simply open yourself to this."

I spent the first half so focused on achievements. While I remain proud of what I have accomplished during, and even since, that time, it is not those measurable outcomes that have brought me the most joy.

Tonight online I read a purported Buddhist proverb that says, "'Enough' is a feast." If I have 'enough' for the rest of my life I will be happy.  

Thursday, March 8, 2018

Twenty-Three

"The highest truth cannot be put into words.
Therefore the greatest teacher has nothing to say.
He simply gives himself in service, and never worries."

This is part of why I try so hard to quiet my mind. I want to learn how not to worry, but I agree that often worrying can be constructive. If I bring from my heart a deep and genuine concern, that could become a prayer or plan of action instead of worry. At the risk of sounding ridiculous, could I bring my talents to bear so the worrying becomes skilled? Maybe that's what I'm doing here. In any case, I'm sure it's not enough. It never is.

Wednesday, March 7, 2018

Twenty-Two

"How can the divine Oneness be seen?
In beautiful forms, breathtaking wonders, awe-
inspiring miracles?
The Tao is not obliged to present itself this way.

It is always present and always available.
When speech is exhausted and mind dissolved, it
presents itself.
When clarity and purity are cultivated, it reveals
itself.
When sincerity is unconditional, it unveils itself.

If you are willing to be lived by it, you will see it
everywhere, even in the most ordinary things."

I would consider it the greatest compliment if someone said of me, "Kari found the ordinary extraordinary...and by her presence, made it so." What I am learning in the meantime is that an ordinary life is not, at all. That very fact is exhilarating, and I just hope I can keep up!

Tuesday, March 6, 2018

Twenty-One

"Each moment is fragile and fleeting.
The moment of the past cannot be kept, however
beautiful.
The moment of the present cannot be held, however
enjoyable.
The moment of the future cannot be caught, however
desirable.

But the mind is desperate to fix the river in place:
Possessed by ideas of the past, preoccupied with
images of the future, it overlooks the plain truth of
the moment.

The one who can dissolve her mind will suddenly
discover the Tao at her feet, and clarity at hand."

Having been blessed (possessed?) with a good memory, I sometimes wonder what purpose the memories serve. Now I think I choose to let mine anchor me in the reality of my everyday life. What I remember helps me integrate my experience, see the bigger picture, and work toward the purpose I discern. Even the painful memories serve this, which is difficult, but I am grateful. 

Monday, March 5, 2018

Twenty

"The clairvoyant may see forms which are elsewhere,
but he cannot see the formless.
The telepathic may communicate directly with the
mind of another, but he cannot communicate with
one who has achieved no-mind.
The telekinetic may move an object without touching
it, but he cannot move the intangible.

Such abilities have meaning only in the realm of
duality.
Therefore, they are meaningless.

Within the Great Oneness, though there is no such
thing as clairvoyance, telepathy, or telekinesis,
all things are seen, all things understood,
all things forever in their proper places."

The relative humility of my current circumstances is showing me what a solid foundation I have. I am grateful to be able to find joy and strength in simple tasks, plans, and movements. 

Sunday, March 4, 2018

Nineteen

"To the ordinary person, the body of humanity seems
vast.
In truth, it is neither bigger nor smaller than anything
else.
To the ordinary person, there are others whose
awareness needs raising.
In truth, there is no self, and no other.
To the ordinary person, the temple is sacred and the
field is not.
This, too, is a dualism which runs counter to
truth.

Those who are highly evolved maintain an
undiscriminating perception.
Seeing everything, labeling nothing, they maintain
their awareness of the Great Oneness.
Thus they are supported by it."

Sometimes I wear myself out trying to get to the truth. I don't allow myself to be supported enough.  I struggle to know that the support is there, even as I try so hard to be support. 

Saturday, March 3, 2018

Eighteen

"There is no one method for attaining realization of the
Tao.
To regard any method as the method is to create a
duality, which can only delay your understanding of
the subtle truth.
The mature person perceives the fruitlessness of rigid,
external methodologies;
Remembering this, he keeps his attitude unstructured
at all times and thus is always free to pursue the
Integral Way.

He studies the teachings of the masters.
He dissolves all concepts of duality.
He pours himself out in service to others.
He performs his inner cleansing and does not disturb
his teacher with unnecessary entanglements, thus
preserving the subtle spiritual connection with the
teacher's divine energy.

Gently eliminating all obstacles to his own
understanding, he constantly maintains his
unconditional sincerity.
His humility, perseverance, and adaptability evoke the
response of the universe and fill him with divine
light."

There are many ways to do any specific thing. Perhaps this is the essence of "doing one thing and doing it well."

On the other hand, I find that a similar approach works for many different tasks.

This is why I study. 

Friday, March 2, 2018

Seventeen

"Do not go about worshipping deities and religious
institutions as the source of the subtle truth.
To do so is to place intermediaries between yourself
and the divine, and to make of yourself a beggar
who looks outside for a treasure that is hidden
inside his own breast.

If you want to worship the Tao, first discover it in your
own heart.
Then your worship will be meaningful."

What I've called my intuitive journey for the year is really just my quest to discover the fullness of who God created me to be.

It's hard for me to imagine being fundamentally wrong in my self-concept, but I suppose such wrongness is not impossible when I have struggled so with my self-worth. I wear myself out looking for grace; here is my opportunity to create it.

Thursday, March 1, 2018

Sixteen

"Most of the world's religions serve only to strengthen
attachments to false concepts such as self and other,
life and death, heaven and earth, and so on. 
Those who become entangled in these false ideas are
prevented from perceiving the Integral Oneness.

The highest virtue one can exercise is to accept the
responsibility of discovering and transmitting the
whole truth.
Some help others in order to receive blessings and
admiration.
This is simply meaningless.
Some cultivate themselves in part to serve others, in
part to serve their own pride.
They will understand, at best, half of the truth.
But those who improve themselves for the sake of the
world--to these, the whole truth of the universe
will be revealed.

So seek this whole truth, practice it in your daily life,
and humbly share it with others.
You will enter the realm of the divine."

An old friend of mine once became very angry with me during a discussion on the spiritual nature of human beings. I kept saying we had the potential to seek and find transcendence. "But human beings are limited!" he insisted. "We can't just transcend everything all the time."

I don't remember specifically what I said in response. But I knew then, as I believe I'm actualizing now, that we have a unique awareness of our limitations and can learn ways to cope with them, change them, and, barring that, maintain some kind of healthy and helpful perspective. Whatever our awareness, acceptance, or commitment level, we are all capable of more than we think, and each of us is capable of more than anyone else knows. 

Wednesday, February 28, 2018

Fifteen

"To the ordinary being, others often require tolerance.
To the highly evolved being, there is no such thing as
tolerance, because there is no such thing as other.
She has given up all ideas of individuality and
extended her goodwill without prejudice in every 
direction.
Never hating, never resisting, never contesting, she is
simply always learning and being.

Loving, hating, having expectations:
all these are attachments.
Attachment prevents the growth of one's true being.
Therefore the integral being is attached to nothing and
can relate to everyone with an unstructured
attitude.
Because of this, her very existence benefits all things.

You see, that which has form is equal to that which is
without form, and that which is alive is equal to 
that which rests.
This is the subtle truth, not a religious invention,
but only those who are highly evolved will
understand this."

I do my best to consider, learn, and grow. Sometimes love can be dangerous, in that it makes one vulnerable. But tolerance is worse--it hardens the heart, resulting in anything from grudging acceptance to masked hatred. All of that is not just dangerous, but deadly. Vulnerability leads to openness, while a hard heart could very well close and die. 

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

Fourteen

"Can you dissolve your ego?
Can you abandon the idea of self and other?
Can you relinquish the notions of male and female,
short and long, life and death?
Can you let go of all these dualities and embrace the
Tao without skepticism or panic?
If so, you can reach the heart of the Integral Oneness.

Along the way, avoid thinking of the Oneness as
unusual, exalted, sublime, transcendental.
Because it is the Oneness, it is beyond all that.
It is simply the direct, essential, and complete truth."

Sometimes the truth is reassuring, and sometimes the truth is devastating. The best thing I can do is be willing to face it, any and every time.

Monday, February 26, 2018

Thirteen

"The tiny particles which form the vast universe are not
tiny at all.
Neither is the vast universe vast.
These are notions of the mind, which is like a knife,
always chipping away at the Tao,
trying to render it graspable and manageable.

But that which is beyond form is ungraspable, and
that which is beyond knowing is unmanageable.
There is, however, this consolation:
She who lets go of the knife will find the Tao at her
fingertips."

One solution is to let go of everything. I have tried to do this, letting back in only those things which come back to me on their own. I've heard it said, "If it's for you, you won't have to chase it." I have finally slowed down enough to know that this is always true. 

Sunday, February 25, 2018

Twelve

"Do you wish to inhabit sacred spaces?
To have the respect and companionship of the highest
spiritual beings?
To be protected by the guardians of the eight powerful
energy rays?
Then cherish the Integral Way.
Regard these teachings with reverence,
practice their truths,
illuminate them to others.

You will receive as many blessings from the universe as
there are grains of sand in the River of
Timelessness."

I always hope that what I'm doing is enough for God, and if who I am is enough for the people around me. I may never know enough to be sure of either. The rest is mystery and magic. May I abuse neither as I continue to explore.