Day 58 - #28

"To know the masculine and yet cleave to the
feminine is to be the womb for the world.
Being the womb for the world, never departing
from the eternal power of Tao,
you become as an infant once again: immortal.

To know the bright and yet hold to the dull
is to be the example for the world.
Being the example for the world, not deviating
from the everlasting power of Tao,
you return to the infinite once again:
limitless.

To know honor and yet keep to humility
is to be the valley for the world.
Being the valley for the world,
rich with the eternal power of Tao,
you return once again to simplicity,
like uncarved wood.

Allow Tao to carve you into a vessel for Tao.
Then you can serve the world without
mutilating it."

The one thing my losses have done is allowed me to let go. I have at times done so with great pain, but after a while I got used to the pain and the letting go got to be a habit. I let things go too quickly or too soon, at great injury to myself: so that instead of smoothing my vessel, I carved it full of scratches.

I began to hurt inside in a way I didn't understand. I didn't understand how, if time heals all wounds, I should still hurt so much each day. All I wanted was to let go of the pain, but instead I let go of other things that might have helped me heal. I stopped believing in sentimental value. I stopped hoping for the future. I began to expect, even to court, disappointment. I learned to sabotage myself, my life, and everything. Now I'm trying to stop, and I only pray I can and will before it's all too late.