Breath

"You breathe,
Frosting mountains white,
Exciting trees to verdant flame,
Dancing sparrows on your wing,
Swirling waves into long sighs.
You breathe,
And all things live."

Most of all in this life transition, I have needed to catch my breath. Even while doing that I have felt the pressure to keep going, and stay open to the next opportunity. Now I realize, breath is the opportunity. To draw breath is everything. 

Hourglass

"Life is like an hourglass.
Consciousness is the sand."

Toward the end of my time in college, one of my assignments in a creative writing class was to make a personal artistic manifesto. Amidst all the bullshit I'm sure was there, one thing emerged that has always stuck with me,"I've got time," I wrote. "I've got time, and I'm going to be just fine!"

Needless to say, that feeling was short-lived, once I was cast adrift upon the world without my goals, my books, my studies to buoy me up. It took a long time, but eventually I got to a safe place again, and now, in a bizarre way, things seem to have come full-circle. This time, I am adrift, but this time, I know the truth. Despite what the world says, I do have time, and I really am going to be just fine. 

Water

"Drops.
Water cleanses,
Gathers in the earth.
Tender. Invasive. Subtle.
Emerges a shining river.
When small, it is weak.
When great, it tumbles mountains,
Rendering great cliffs
Sand."

No wonder I always feel terrified yet soothed by the ocean. To cleanse one's spirit is not only refreshment, but surrender. At this moment in my life, I'm striving for both; I'm striving for all. 

Spine

"Tao is the road up your spine.
Tao is the road of your life.
Tao is the road of the cosmos."

I am very grateful to be feeling supported by the universe in bringing my inner and outer lives into balance. I read an article the other day about having systems rather than goals, and I've decided I want to create better systems for achieving my goals. If the systems are in place, the goals will flow naturally. 

Clarifying

"Express yourself:
That is meaning."

I try to express myself wisely, yet fully. It's a curious balance to strike at a time when I am making a conscious effort to express myself in new and different ways. I must discover the challenge of each new day before I can meet it. In that way, I'm working harder now than ever before. 

Purpose

"Suddenly, things snap into focus.
I've been pursuing unity all my life,
But could only glimpse the monstrous vision in fragments;
It has haunted me for years.

Each time I sighted it, I struggled to make it concrete.
At first, it seemed I only had a sculptor's yard of unfinished figures--
Then it slowly began to make sense,
Gathered from glimpses and inferences.

More and more, this mysterious life comes together.
It may take years more to reveal the whole.
That's all right.
I'm prepared to go the distance."

Right now, I know, I am praying for a renewal of my purpose--a chance to finally realize what I have glimpsed off and on for years, only receiving the deepest, most mysterious and pure intimations. Could it be that I am closer than ever? This time in my life feels like the gift to find out--the chance to step into my destiny fully. I'm ready.

Worthwhile

"Inside me, it was quiet all day:
I waited until midnight for a sound.
Outside me, it was noisy all day:
I waited all night for silence.
Tao's power is sound.
Tao's potential is silence."

I think this one speaks for itself:

Uninhibited

"The drunk falls from the cart bus is not hurt.
You throw hesitation aside but look stupid.
To be truly uninhibited is a rare grace."

In an effort to throw off the Michal-like desolation I have always felt shrouding my life, I strive to learn how to toe the line between humility and humiliation. I was not created for the latter, and yet to endure it for His sake is a glory indeed. Perhaps I have never come to grips with that as I should, so it keeps me from being fully alive. As I pray that He lifts me to Him during my time of seeking, I want Him to know I will endure anything to attain a godly purpose. 

Alienation

"Why yearn for a promised land?
The true land is in the heart."

I have learned to go my own way, and not to fear being alone awhile in order to do what is right. I know I will meet in good faith with others by and by. 

Manifestation

"Watching a performance of warriors, I was told,
'This fighter's tradition is six hundred years old.'
And I saw a performance so mired in ritual--
As if nothing valid had happened in six hundred years.
We must honor the classical without being irrelevant."

It's hard to stay focused on the present when I think about how much has gone into it, or about how much I hope for and what it means that I get to keep waking up every day. With one important, strong decision, I have changed my entire life. Now every step I take counts more than ever. When I think about what I really do want, that means more than anything. I have to live up to this chance I have finally given myself. 

Simplicity

"'Be aware of Tao.'
Isn't that simple?
No--Let's reduce more:

Be Tao."

I think this is what I'm trying to do right now. It's all I would like when it seems so clear that I'm not going to get what I've prayed for. I give up and I won't want anything from now on. That feels wrong, but I don't know what else to say. I wanted to be done with my job, so I finished. I want to start a new life, but that's the only thing I don't seem to be able to do. I'm sad. At least I can be honest in the purity of my feeling. That's simple enough for now.

Context

"Context. Connection. Engagement.
If we understand these words,
We do not need esoteric terms."

At this turning point, I find myself pondering the many ways in which "God will provide." Chief among them must be a way out of temptation. I constantly tell myself that in case I am tempted to rest on my laurels here, God is providing me the momentum I need to move in His direction. I am grateful for that and pray for the will and the strength to maintain it. 

Learning

"Learning is the fountain of youth.
No matter how old you are,
You mustn't stop learning."

I think the most important thing about learning is the willingness. If I have that, I can learn anything. If I can learn anything, I can do anything, and take the steps I need toward being all things to all people. 

Expression

"There's nothing to paint anymore.
We've seen everything from the classical to the absurd.
There's nothing to write anymore.
As many books are shredded as read.
There's nothing to sing anymore.
The once avant-garde is now background music."

I have faith in my new beginning, and yet, as always, there looms the fear of the unknown. Who doesn't experience this? Sometimes I look ahead and think, "Well, what's the point? I'm just...done." At the same time, I look back and tell myself, "Who knew I would have made it this far?" It helps to remember I was created for a unique purpose. I would like to believe that, anyway. Most of the time, I still do.  

Moderation

"Alternate between the solitary and the social.
Whether alone or with others, keep serenity."

At this time of a wild and uncertain new beginning, I must be modest and humble. I will not take a step without actively seeking His direction. May He keep me in the promise and the joy of moving forward, toward Him. 

Wisdom

"A white-haired couple sits on a park bench,
Reading the paper, discussing the day's news.
He repeats a poem, learned in his youth;
She finishes the stanza as he nods in pleasure.
At twilight, the air seems clearer than noon."

I can feel myself entering a time of relative stillness and hope. I'm grateful for it as I resolve not to participate in the hysteria I see unfolding around me. 

Prowess

"The wrestler was once more solid than a bull.
He loved to flex enormous, oiled forearms
Before he delightedly vanquished foes.
But now, brittle skin is taut over bone,
And his wheeze is a ghost of his manly bellow."

Amidst wars and rumors of wars, I submit myself to the power of the Most High. 

Dipper

"Bamboo dipper, granite basin.
Crust of ice over inky reservoir.
Moon shimmers in the dipper
Until fullness drains away."

From God, there are no secrets. He is the secret. I believe He also keeps His purpose secret until the proper time. Until now, I've been straining to hear Him, yet only now do I feel ready to listen. 

Donkey

"Dismount your donkey at the summit."

Lately I've been reflecting that it's often the folks in the most humble circumstances who have the greatest things to offer. When the world's definition of success is too narrow, this helps me remember what's truly important. 

Dovetail

'"Measure twice, cut once," said the old craftsman.
Only careful planning and patient skill make a dovetail.'

Recently I heard somebody say that, whatever the battle is, if you're fighting, you're losing. Other people insist you have to fight for what you want. For my part, I know I try to go with the flow, but I also know that it wouldn't be my life if I didn't have to struggle. I often dream of a time I can coast, and I seem to be upon that now--having decided to leave my job and see what's next. At the same time, I can't help hoping that this will just be the precursor to the greatest challenge I have ever wished for. 

Sieve

"A coarse sieve catches little.
A fine mesh catches more.
If you want the subtle, be refined,
But prepare to deal with the coarse."

I have finally learned that being sensitive includes being tough. I grew up thinking they were at odds, and to my detriment lived in a lot of fear and shame. It is my hope that now, all of that will continue to be broken open, so that I can be free. 

Sense

"Don't be destroyed by knowledge and power.
Use common sense to survive."

I saw an article today that said intuition is the highest form of intelligence. Whatever measure of truth there is in that specifically, it did reinforce for me that we have been endowed by God with everything we need to live in Creation. To deny that is a sin, indeed. 

Umbilicus

"People consider the navel a vestigial nub
And think nourishment only comes through the mouth.
Not so. Tao is the great mother,
And vitality untold lies in the region of the umbilicus."

This evening in the wake of an argument, my husband and I were talking about the importance of being grounded. To serve God, I must be centered in my body and at peace with my flesh. I'm not far from either now, I know; I can feel it!

Presence

"Lightning rod at the pinnacle
Attracts power by its mere presence.
In the same way, we must work
For substance and height."

Most of the time, I feel like my striving is losing. And most of the time, my belief that that is not my final destiny is what propels me forward. I am about to give up everything I have been and done for the last six years because I have faith that it's time to reach for something more. I pray for God to be with me and meet me in this leap of faith. 

Colorless

"What's the difference between the erotic and the spiritual?
Temples and lovers are equally gaudy."

I think art allows us to transcend everything. I write to seek my best self. Whatever quest for holiness I make in this life, and whatever awaits me in the hereafter, may it all be pure. 

Mysticism

"All mystical traditions are one.
They are the seed of all religions."

I believe that the above is true; I also think that, all too often, in the hands of the people, they lend themselves to certain abuses. It is a hope of mine that by keeping an open mind and heart, I can do my share of work to prevent the abuse. I keep going deeper, so it never feels like enough, but still I go. Being led in the Spirit, it's the best I can do. 

Mate

"Passion is a prelude to
Years of gradual unfolding."

A year and a half in, I still feel like a newlywed. There are struggles, yes, but as long as I remember Who moved me to enter them, love can grow.

Mosaic

"Tiles of carnelian, lapis, and jade,
The muralist sets his picture
One centimeter at a time.
Every piece alone is precious;
Together they make a priceless whole."

I have come to understand myself as a big-picture person with an eye for detail. Even with a talent for focusing on both, it isn't easy to keep a good perspective. Now that I've committed to taking this leap of faith, it's ever more important for me to keep in mind who I am, and Whose I am, in the scheme of things.

Intensity

"Tao is strangely colorless,
Yet intense.
It grips like a tidal wave."

I have often reflected that I am a person without particular avocations or hobbies. Rather, I take an interest in everything, and let my imagination guide me. I have been told this gives me a certain intensity. I even occasionally get told that I am intimidating. I think this is wrong. I am a nobody, and find myself wishing to be invisible most of the time. At the same time, I understand that invisible is not the same as absent. Perhaps I have a wish to be so authentic and natural in my influence that my presence should not be seen but felt. 

Decadence

"Powdered concubine dressed in rich silks--
Feet bound, body soft, lips slack--
Views lotuses through binoculars.
A dragonfly alights on her motionless fan."

I can't be too indulgent now that I've made this life-altering choice. Risk must be followed by edifying action.