"In the pursuit of learning,
every day something is added.
In the pursuit of Tao,
every day something is dropped.
Less and less is done, until
one arrives at nonaction.
When nothing is done,
nothing is left undone.
The world is won by letting things
take their own course.
If you still have ambitions,
it's out of your reach."
For me, a family never has been an ambition, never something to round out my life or complete a picture or fulfill a, "Where will you be in five years?" type deal. My husband, my children, form this well of joy and sorrow deep within myself, as if I could just wait long enough and they'd come through, be here, not by my command or demand but by God's grace alone. Maybe that's why I've felt for so long like I never could hope to deserve them or any of it.
So I stopped thinking about it, until I couldn't take it anymore and I had to get honest with myself--that I felt like A Moon for the Misbegotten, "There is no present or future-only the past, happening over and over again-now."
There is a story about Socrates, that he would dunk and hold his students underwater until they fought him so hard that he would bring them back up again and say, "There, you see? When you want knowledge as badly as you want to breathe, then you can learn."
For me it's not about knowledge, but about living, breathing, believing: There's got to be more than just an empty well.
I've been underwater for so long. When will I break the surface and be free?
every day something is added.
In the pursuit of Tao,
every day something is dropped.
Less and less is done, until
one arrives at nonaction.
When nothing is done,
nothing is left undone.
The world is won by letting things
take their own course.
If you still have ambitions,
it's out of your reach."
For me, a family never has been an ambition, never something to round out my life or complete a picture or fulfill a, "Where will you be in five years?" type deal. My husband, my children, form this well of joy and sorrow deep within myself, as if I could just wait long enough and they'd come through, be here, not by my command or demand but by God's grace alone. Maybe that's why I've felt for so long like I never could hope to deserve them or any of it.
So I stopped thinking about it, until I couldn't take it anymore and I had to get honest with myself--that I felt like A Moon for the Misbegotten, "There is no present or future-only the past, happening over and over again-now."
There is a story about Socrates, that he would dunk and hold his students underwater until they fought him so hard that he would bring them back up again and say, "There, you see? When you want knowledge as badly as you want to breathe, then you can learn."
For me it's not about knowledge, but about living, breathing, believing: There's got to be more than just an empty well.
I've been underwater for so long. When will I break the surface and be free?
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