Seventy-Two

"If you wish to gain merit and become one with the
divine, then develop your virtue and extend it to the
world.
Abandon fancy theologies and imaginary ideas and do
some ordinary daily work, such as healing.
Let go of all conflict and strife.
Practice unswerving kindness and unending patience.
Avoid following impulses and pursuing ambitions
which destroy the wholeness of your mind and
separate you from the Integral Way.
Neither become obsessed with circumstances nor
forego awareness of them.
To manage your mind, know that there is nothing,
and then relinquish all attachment to the
nothingness."

I still think of myself as a recovering teacher, which means healing has become my daily work. I am grateful that I can do that and still survive. Maybe someday I will really feel myself thriving. 

Seventy-One

"The transformation toward eternal life is gradual.
The heavy, gross energy of body, mind, and spirit
must first be purified and uplifted.
When the energy ascends to the subtle level, then
self-mastery can be taught.

A wise instructor teaches the powerful principles of
self-integration only to those who have already
achieved a high level of self-purification and
self-mastery.
In addition, all proper teaching follow the law of
energy response: the most effective method is always
that to which the student's natural energy most
harmoniously responds.
For one, celibacy and self-cultivation will be
appropriate; for another, properly guided dual
cultivation will derive the greatest benefit.
A discerning teacher will determine the proper balance
of practices for each individual.

In any case, know that all teachers and techniques are
only transitional: true realization comes from the
direct merger of one's being with the divine energy
of the Tao."

I sometimes find it so reassuring that we have our whole lives to work toward our goals. On the other hand, since none of us knows while we live how long our whole lives will be, perhaps the best approach is the one Toni Morrison's character takes in Beloved: "Today is always here. Tomorrow, never." I like the way a friend of mine puts it best. He says, "I don't want to live every day as if it's my last; I want to live as if I'll live for a hundred years." I have learned, slowly, that building toward the future is the best gift I can give. It may not be a future I see, but it will be the future for someone. 

Seventy

"The cords of passion and desire weave a blinding net
around you.
Worldly confrontation makes you stiff and inflexible.
The trap of duality is tenacious.
Bound, rigid, and trapped, you cannot experience
liberation.

Through dual cultivation it is possible to unravel the
net, soften the rigidity, dismantle the trap.
Dissolving your yin energy into the source of universal
life, attracting the yang energy from that same
source, you leave behind individuality and your life
becomes pure nature.
Free of ego, living naturally, working virtuously, you
become filled with inexhaustible vitality and are
liberated forever from the cycle of death and
rebirth.

Understand this if nothing else: spiritual freedom
and oneness with the Tao are not randomly
bestowed gifts, but the rewards of conscious
self-transformation and self-evolution."

I have to slow down and back up when I find myself becoming overwhelmed or confused about what to do. As I prepare to enter this new but long-awaited chapter of my life, I keep feeling like I should have more to show for everything that went before. Right now there is nothing more demoralizing than that, and I find myself running out of energy to deal with it. I have to believe that while I live there is always potential to grow and improve. The fact that right now that doesn't look quite how I'd like it to doesn't mean it never has or never will. 

Sixty-Nine

"A person's approach to sexuality is a sign of his level of
evolution.
Unevolved persons practice ordinary sexual
intercourse.
Placing all emphasis upon the sexual organs, they
neglect the body's other organs and systems.
Whatever physical energy is accumulated is summarily
discharged, and the subtle energies are similarly
dissipated and disordered.
It is a great backward leap.
For those who aspire to the higher realms of living,
there is angelic dual cultivation.
Because every portion of the body, mind, and spirit
yearns for the integration of yin and yang, angelic
intercourse is led by the spirit rather than the sexual
organs.

Where ordinary intercourse is effortful, angelic
cultivation is calm, relaxed, quiet, and natural.
Where ordinary intercourse unites sex organs with sex
organs, angelic cultivation unites spirit with spirit,
mind with mind, and every cell of one body with
every cell of the other body.
Culminating not in dissolution but in integration, it is
an opportunity for a man and woman to mutually
transform and uplift each other into the realm of bliss and wholeness.

The sacred ways of angelic intercourse are taught only
by one who has himself achieved total energy
integration, and taught only to students who follow
the Integral Way with profound devotion, seeking
to purify and pacify the entire world along with
their own being.

However, if your virtue is especially radiant, it can be
possible to open a pathway to the subtle realm and
receive these celestial teaching directly from the
immortals."

An opportunity for mutual transformation and uplift is what I seek in all my relationships. Marriage provides a unique gift of this, and aspects of it can radiate into every connection. I believe this is our divine energy at work in the world. As humans, we are made to be in relationship. I want to celebrate that every day.

Sixty-Eight

"In angelic dual cultivation, one learns to follow the
Tao.
To approach the Tao, you will need all your sincerity,
for it is elusive, first revealing itself in form and
image, then dissolving into subtle, indefinable
essence.

Though it is uncreated itself, it creates all things.
Because it has no substance, it can enter into where
there is no space.
Exercising by returning to itself, winning victories by
remaining gentle and yielding, it is softer than
anything, and therefore it overcomes everything
hard.

What does this tell you about the benefit of non-action
and silence?"

Non-action and silence are two things I'm learning the great value of at this period of my life. It's taking me a lot to unlearn the "busy-ness" of my work and professional life. I really overextended myself last year and it's interesting to have an entirely different sort of challenge to look forward to as I continue to recuperate from that. I hope to take the wisdom from this stillness and apply it deeply and carefully to my next active growth period. 

Sixty-Seven

"To achieve the highest levels of life, one must
continually combine new levels of yin and yang.
In nature, the male energy can be found in such
sources as the sun and the mountains, and the
female in such sources as the earth, the moon, and
the lakes.
Those who study these things, which are only hinted
at here, will benefit immeasurably.

Because higher and higher unions of yin and yang are
necessary for the conception of higher life, some
students may be instructed in the art of dual
cultivation, in which yin and yang are directly
integrated in the tai chi of sexual intercourse.
If the student is not genuinely virtuous and the
instruction not that of a true master, dual
cultivation can have a destructive effect.
If genuine virtue and true mastery come together,
however, the practice can bring about a profound
balancing of the student's gross and subtle energies.
The result of this is improved health, harmonized
emotions, the cessation of desires and impulses,
and, at the highest level, the transcendent
integration of the entire energy body."

I have talked to people who say transcendence by humans is impossible. I disagree. I believe we all have power within us to transcend circumstances and situations that hold us back. Doing so takes time, and we need certain tools and relationships in our lives to help us do it, but even as we achieve those in a series of steps or otherwise, we are transcending.  

Sixty-Six

"The first integration of yin and yang is the union of
seed and egg within the womb.
The second integration of yin and yang is the sexual
union of the mature male and female.
Both of these are concerned with flesh and blood, and
all that is conceived in this realm must one day
disintegrate and pass away.

It is only the third integration which gives birth to
something immortal.
In this integration, a highly evolved individual joins
the subtle inner energies of yin and yang under the
light of spiritual understanding.
Through the practices of the Integral Way he refines
his gross, heavy energy into something ethereal and
light.
This divine light has the capability of penetrating into
the mighty ocean of spiritual energy and complete
wisdom that is the Tao.

The new life created by the final integration is self-
aware yet without ego, capable of inhabiting a body
yet not attached to it, and guided by wisdom rather
than emotion.
Whole and virtuous, it can never die."

All I've ever wanted is to be whole and virtuous. I know I can accomplish neither on my own. Completing my journey out of isolation at last, I believe I am now closer than I have ever been, yet I still feel there is so much to do. That in itself is a blessing.

Sixty-Five

"The interplay of yin and yang within the womb of the
Mysterious Mother creates the expansion and
contraction of nature.
Although the entire universe is created out of this
reproductive dance, it is but a tiny portion of her
being.
Her heart is the Universal Heart, and her mind the
Universal Mind.

The reproductive function is also a part of human
beings.
Because yin and yang are not complete within us as
individuals, we pair up to integrate them and bring
forth new life.
Although most people spend their entire lives
following this biological impulse, it is only a tiny
portion of our beings as well.
If we remain obsessed with seeds and eggs, we are
married to the fertile reproductive valley of the
Mysterious Mother but not to her immeasurable
heart and all-knowing mind.

If you wish to unite with her heart and mind, you
must integrate yin and yang within and refine their
fire upward.
Then you have the power to merge with the whole
being of the Mysterious Mother.

This is what is known as true evolution."

I don't have a lot of energy right now to write about some of the unpopular opinions and views I hold that this is bringing up for me. My life path has turned out a lot different than how I had hoped it would, much more challenging. In most ways better, I'm sure, but of course it doesn't always feel that way. Over time I have come to pride myself on not shirking any responsibility or difficulty that comes my way. I believe my next great task will be learning once and for all how to find joy in the midst of the challenges. 

Sixty-Three

"There are three layers to the universe:
In the lower, Tai Ching, and the middle, Shan Ching,
the hindrance of a physical bodily existence is
required.
Those who fail to live consistently in accord with Tao
reside here.

In the upper, Yu Ching, there is only Tao: the bondage
of form is broken, and the only thing existing is the
exquisite energy dance of the immortal divine
beings.

Those who wish to enter Yu Ching should follow the
Integral Way.
Simplify the personality, refine the sexual energy
upward, integrate yin and yang in body, mind, and
spirit, practice non-impulsiveness, make your
conscience one with pure law, and you will uncover
truth after truth and enter the exquisite upper
realm.

This path is clearly defined and quite simple to follow,
yet most lose themselves in ideological fogs of their
own making."

I suppose one could say this blog is my ongoing effort to penetrate the ideological fog I perceive closing in around me and my communities. I will persist! 

Sixty-Four

"In earlier times, people lived simply and serenely.
Sensitive to the fluctuations that constantly occur, they
were able to adjust comfortably to the energy of the
day.

Today, people lead hysterical, impulsive lives.
Ignoring the subtle alterations of yin and yang which
influence all things, they become confused,
exhausted, and frustrated.
However, even today one can restore wholeness and
clarity to one's mind.
The way to do this is through study of the I Ching.

Like the cycle of day and night, everything is a tai chi
incorporating movements between yin and yang.
If you do not see the patterns in these movements, you
are lost.
But if you consult the I Ching with an open mind,
you will begin to see the patterns underlying all
things.
Knowing that daybreak will come, you can rest
peacefully at night.

When you accurately perceive the fluidity of things,
you also begin to perceive the constancy behind
them: the creative, transformative, boundless,
immutable Tao.
To see this is the ultimate education, and the ultimate
solace."

At the beginning of this year, I started throwing the I Ching daily. As life gradually became more fluid with big changes in the works for the rest of this year, I've been more intermittent with this practice. Interestingly, it's all brought me closer to the tradition I embraced first. I am convinced that all things like this bring us back to the one creative force: Love. They give us the tools to reckon with it and heal things in ourselves that block and pervert it. I am grateful for this blessing I have received to consider, explore, and create. May it only continue. 

Sixty-Two

"Do you wish to attain pure Tao?
Then you must understand and integrate within
yourself the three main energies of the universe.

The first is the earth energy.
Centered in the belly, it expresses itself as sexuality.
Those who cultivate and master the physical energy
attain partial purity.

The second is the heaven energy.
Centered in the mind, it expresses itself as knowledge
and wisdom.
Those whose minds merge with the Universal Mind
also attain partial purity.

The third is the harmonized energy.
Centered in the heart, it expresses itself as spiritual
insight.
Those who develop spiritual insight also attain partial
purity.

Only when you achieve all three--mastery of the
physical energy, universal mindedness, and spiritual
insight--and express them in a virtuous integral
life, can you attain pure Tao."

Given that we are all here for a finite period of time, I think it is tempting to look at any process of mastery as linear, at least at the outset. When it came to my spiritual pursuits, my initial thinking was no different. First I'd take on one aspect, then the next, then another. Gradually I've realized that I'm not the one in charge of the process, so that I've stopped being surprised when things are introduced to me seemingly out of order. Tao is all about the flow, and I think I'm finally starting to be comfortable going with it. 

Sixty-One

"To understand the universe, you must study and
understand these things:
First, the Oneness, the Tao, the Great Tai Chi;
Second, the Great Two, the forces of yin and yang;
Third, the Three Main Categories, expressed either as
Heaven, Earth, or Man, or as body, mind, and
spirit;
Fourth, the Four Forces, strong, weak, light, and
heavy;
Fifth, the Five Elements, symbolized by water, fire,
wood, metal, and earth;
Sixth, the Six Breaths--wind, cold, heat, moisture,
dryness, and inflammation--which transform the
climate and internal organs;
Seventh, the processes of change and recycling;
Eighth, the Eight Great Manifestations--Heaven,
Earth, Water, Fire, Thunder, Lake, Wind, and
Mountain--the combinations of which reveal the
subtle energetic truth of all situations, as taught in
the I Ching.

Understanding these things, you can employ them
internally to leave behind what is old and dead and
to embrace what is new and alive.
Once discovered, this process of internal alchemy
opens the mystical gate to spiritual immortality."

For a long time I have been working on leaving behind what is old and dead. Waiting for what's new and alive has been a correspondingly long process, but I'm glad I've made it this far. 

Sixty

"The mystical techniques for achieving immortality are
revealed only to those who have dissolved all ties to
the gross worldly realm of duality, conflict, and
dogma.
As long as your shallow worldly ambitions exist, the
door will not open.

Devote yourself to living a virtuous, integrated,
selfless life.
Refine your energy from gross and heavy to subtle and
light.
Use the practices of the Integral Way to transform
your superficial worldly personality into a profound,
divine presence.

By going through each stage of development along the
Integral Way, you learn to value what is important
today in the subtle realm rather than what appears
desirable tomorrow in the worldly realm.

Then the mystical door will open, and you can join the
unruling rulers and uncreating creators of the vast
universe."

I learned early on in my life that I had to let go of everything. I understood that I was not in charge, but I often longed to be entrusted with more. The only problem was I didn't trust myself, and so I didn't figure others put much stock in me, either. It's taken me a long time to heal from all of that. I still do my best to let go, but I understand now that it's part of a process of finding what's best for me. 

Fifty-Nine

"Greed for enlightenment and immortality is no
different than greed for material wealth.
It is self-centered and dualistic, and thus an obstacle to
true attainment.
Therefore these states are never achieved by this who
covet them; rather, they are the reward of the
virtuous.

If you wish to become a divine immortal angel, then
restore the angelic qualities of your being through
virtue and service.
This is the only way to gain the attention of the
immortals who teach the methods of energy
enhancement and integration that are necessary to
reach the divine realm.

These angelic teachers cannot be sought out; it is they
who seek out the student.
When you succeed in connecting your energy with the
divine realm through high awareness and the
practice of indiscriminating virtue, the
transmission of the ultimate subtle truths will
follow.
This is the path that all angels will take to the divine
realm."

Soon after my conversion, I was hungry. I collected "all the Catholic things," wanted to do all of them, and felt like a failure if I didn't. I still love them, and my Catholic faith, but eventually I realized that all God wanted was for me to be me. I'm still learning that that's actually enough, and that all I really have to do is trust Him to guide me to the things, places, moments and people who will shape me into the person He created. Sometimes I still disbelievingly say, "This is it?" instead of listening for where and to whom He calls me next. When I speak to Him, I can listen better. This is what I do here. 

Fifty-Eight

"Unless the mind, body, and spirit are equally
developed and fully integrated, no spiritual peak or
state of enlightenment can be sustained.
This is why extremist religions and ideologies do not
bear fruit.

When the mind and spirit are forced into unnatural
austerities or adherence to external dogmas, the
body grows sick and weak and becomes a traitor to
the whole being.
When the body is emphasized to the exclusion of the
mind and spirit, they become like trapped snakes:
frantic, explosive, and poisonous to one's person.
All such imbalances inevitably lead to exhaustion and
expiration of the life force.

True self-cultivation involves the holistic integration of
mind,  body, and spirit.
Balancing yin and yang through the various practices
of the Integral Way, one achieves complete unity
within and without.
This manifests in the world as perfect equilibrium.
and perfect grace."

More and more I have come to believe that perfection does not exist. I think pursuit of an ideal is fine, as long as one puts one's attainment in perspective. Progress is always part of the process, even when dealing with fallout from mistakes. Doing things "right" often takes many steps and attempts at learning, all of which are valid and add to experience, which can be a valid attainment of its own. 

Fifty-Seven

"The universe is a vast net of energy rays.
The primary ray is that which emanates from the
Subtle Origin, and it is entirely positive, creative,
and constructive.
Each being, however, converts the energy of this
primary ray into its own ray, and these lower rays
can be either positive or negative, constructive or
destructive.

An individual who is not yet fully evolved can be
adversely affected by negative energy rays in the net
around him.
For example, the combined influence of several
negative rays might cause an undeveloped person to
believe that his life is being controlled by an
invisible, oppressive ruler.
Such a misconception can be a significant barrier to
enlightenment.

To attain full evolution and the status of an integral
being, you must be aware of this intricate net and
its influences upon you.
By integrating the positive, harmonious energy rays
with the positive elements of your own being, and
eliminating the subtle negative influences, you can
enhance all aspects of your life.

In order to eliminate the negative influences, simply
ignore them.
To integrate the positive influences, consciously
reconnect yourself with the primary energy ray of
the Subtle Origin by adopting the practices of the
Integral Way.
Then all the rays in the net around you will merge
back into harmonious oneness."

I get stressed out when people around me start talking about "being positive," and "positive energy." Life is a complicated mix of positive, negative, and every other kind of energy, and energy change is the one constant inevitability. The best way I know to face all of that is to focus on what--and Who--is greater than myself. I am grateful for the willingness to do so, as challenging as it can be. 

Fifty-Six

"If you wish to become a person of Tao, then study that
which serves the nature of life, and offer it to the
world.
Allow your devotion to learning the Taoist ways to be
complete.
Partial practice and partial discipline won't do.
You can't know the body by studying the finger, and
you can't understand the universe by learning one
science.
If you study the whole of the Tao wholeheartedly,
then everything in your life will reflect it."

Sometimes I think that if I could be anything, I'd want to be a Taoist Catholic yogini. Devoutly Catholic friends of mine might think I've gone a little nuts, but I aim to honor the legacy of an ex-nun I know who described herself as "catholic, with a small 'c.'" In my own faith life as a devoted practicing Catholic who nevertheless finds herself exploring, this looks like trying to understand what is meant by "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God..." (John 1:1). By now I certainly understand that God speaks His Word to each of His children in myriad different ways. 

Fifty-Five

"The holistic practices of the ancient masters integrate
science, art, and personal spiritual development.
Mind, body, and spirit participate in them equally.
They include:

1. Yi Yau, the healing science which incorporates
    diagnosis, acupuncture, herbal medicine,
    therapeutic diet, and other methods;
2. Syang Ming, the science which predicts a
    person's destiny by observing the outward
    physical manifestations of his face, skeleton,
    palms, and voice;
3. Feng Shui, the science of discerning the subtle
    energy rays present in a geographic location to
    determine whether they will properly support
    the activities of a building or town constructed
    there;
4. Fu Kua, the observation of the subtle alterations
    of yin and yang for the purpose of making
    decisions which are harmonious with the
    apparent and hidden aspects of a situation. The
    foundation of Fu Hua and of all Taoist practice
    is the study of the I Ching, or Book of Changes.
5. Nei Dan, Wai Dan, and Fang Jung, the
    sciences of refining one's personal energy
    through alchemy, chemistry, and the cultivation
    of balanced sexual energy;
6. Tai Syi, the science of revitalization through
    breathing and visualization techniques;
7. Chwun Shi, the transformation of one's spiritual
    essence through keeping one's thoughts in
    accord with the Divine Source;
8. Shu-Ser, the attunement of one's daily life to the
    cycle of universal energy rays;
9. Bi Gu, the practice of fasting on specific days in
    order to gather life energy emanating from the
    harmonized positions of certain stars;
10. San Yi, the science of embracing integral
     transcendental oneness in order to accomplish
     conception of the 'mystical pearl';
11. Tai Chi Ch'uan, the performance of physical
      exercises to induce and direct energy flows
      within the body to gain mastery of body,
      breath, mind, the internal organs, and life and
      death.
12. Fu Chi, the science of reforming and refining
     one's energy with pure food and herbs;
13. Chuan Se, the inner visualization of the unity of
      one's inner and outer being;
14. 'Dzai Jing, the purification of one's energy
     through ascetic practices.
15. Fu Jou, the drawing of mystical pictures and
     the writing and recital of mystical invocations
     for the purpose of evoking a response from the
     subtle realm of the universe;
16. Tsan Syan, the process of dissolving the ego and
      connecting with the Great Oneness through the
      study of classical scriptures and daily dialogue
      with an enlightened master.
17. You Yen and Chi Men, the mystical sciences of
      energy linkage for the purpose of influencing
      external affairs.

Of these, the most important for beginners is the
study of the I Ching, which enables one to perceive
the hidden influences in every situation and thus
establish a balanced and spiritually evolved means of
responding to them.

All are instruments for attaining the Tao.
To study them is to serve universal unity, harmony, and wisdom."

I had actually made a start with the I Ching (also Bryan Browne Walker's translation) earlier this year. I am always willing to explore, and had felt led to it by my continued interest in the Tao and everything related to it. As change began to come to me much faster and sooner than I had anticipated, I took a break from exploring the I Ching in my private writing. Prompted to it yet again here, which seems to be my own Fu Jou, I may pick it up again tomorrow. I am fascinated by how these teachings continue to expand, to resonate, and to be relevant across places, times, and traditions. It's all a gift.

Fifty-Four

"In ancient times, various holistic sciences were
developed by highly evolved beings to enable their
own evolution and that of others.
These subtle arts were created through the linking of
individual minds with the universal mind.
They are still taught by traditional teachers to those
who display virtue and desire to assist others.

The student who seeks out and studies these teachings
furthers the evolution of mankind as well as her own
spiritual unfolding.
The student who ignores them hinders the
development of all beings."

I think everyone is born with a desire for great things--whether done or acquired, or both--inside them. I certainly was. Over time, I've learned to see and appreciate the greatness of small things, so that I can keep life simple and do what's necessary when necessary. This also allows me always to remain open to that which is greater than myself. 

Fifty-Three

"True understanding in a person has two attributes:
awareness and action.
Together they can form a natural tai chi.

Who can enjoy enlightenment and remain indifferent
to suffering in the world?
This is not in keeping with the Way.
Only those who can increase their service along with their
understanding can be called men and women of
Tao."

When I was teaching, my students would tend to ask me about my "knowledge" of English, and what "knowledge" they needed in order to pass their exams, achieve certain skills, or be successful. In response to this, I always tried to show them what they had to do with what I (and I would hope they, now) know. It was exhausting, but it also taught me how to bring the two attributes together in myself. I certainly never do both all the time, as hard as I try. Sometimes it is enough to be aware of a problem one can't solve on one's own. Sometimes the actions one wishes to take are premature. While I was receiving spiritual direction many years ago, my spiritual director helped me solve this dilemma by keeping one simple thought in mind, "People do the best they can with what they have." I am still learning to develop and share the awareness I have respectfully. I am still learning to discern how, and when, to act on that awareness. But I know I now always have the willingness to do both, and most of my work in the world these days has to do with encouraging that willingness in others. At least, that's what I hope for. 

Fifty-Two

"Do you think you can clear your mind by sitting
constantly in silent meditation?
This makes your mind narrow, not clear.
Integral awareness is fluid and adaptable, present
in all places and at all times.
That is true meditation.

Who can attain clarity and simplicity by avoiding the
world?
The Tao is clear and simple, and it doesn't avoid the
world.

What not simply honor your parents,
love your children,
help your brothers and sisters,
be faithful to your friends,
care for your mate with devotion,
complete your work cooperatively and joyfully,
assume responsibility for problems,
practice virtue without first demanding it of others,
understand the highest truths yet retain an ordinary
manner?

That would be true clarity, true simplicity, true
mastery."

I think I get some part of most of these things right each day. With this blog I am working toward putting them all together in a practice that will carry me through the rest of my life. The further I go, the more truth I discover, so that my notion of right is expanding or strengthening while my sense of wrong pales or diminishes (in the power of wrong or evil) by comparison. A popular saying for some is "what you focus on grows." As I continue to focus on what is correct, I grow more. 

Fifty-One

"Those who want to know the truth of the universe
should practice the four cardinal virtues.

The first is reverence for all life; this manifests as
unconditional love and respect for oneself and all
other beings.
The second is natural sincerity; this manifests as
honesty, simplicity, and faithfulness.
The third is gentleness; this manifests as kindness,
consideration for others, and sensitivity to spiritual
truth.
The fourth is supportiveness; this manifests as service
to others without expectation of reward.

The four virtues are not an external dogma but a part
of your original nature.
When practiced, they give birth to wisdom and evoke
the five blessings: health, wealth, happiness,
longevity, and peace."

I am grateful for the work I have put into getting in touch with my essential nature as a person. Quieting my mind, learning to soothe my own heart, and opening my soul to greater inspiration have been the most freeing, and yet reassuring, exercises of my life so far. It's exciting and calming at the same time.

Fifty

"What good is it to spend your life accumulating
material things?
It isn't in keeping with the Tao.
What benefit in conforming your behavior to
someone's conventions?
It violates your nature and dissipates your energy.
Why separate your spiritual life and your practical life?
To an integral being, there is no such distinction.

Live simply and virtuously, true to your nature,
drawing no line between what is spiritual and what
is not.

Ignore time.
Relinquish ideas and concepts.
Embrace the Oneness.

This is the Integral Way."

My life has always been a little impractical. I have never settled easily into one community, or place, or way of life. I have struggled to recognize this for what it truly is: a source of energy in an ever-deepening (and widening) capacity for change. Change frees me; it makes the struggle worthwhile even as it lessens the struggle bit by bit.

Forty-Nine

"Thinking and talking about the Integral Way are not
the same as practicing it.
Who ever became a good rider by talking about
horses?
If you wish to embody the Tao, stop chattering and
start practicing.
Relax your body and quiet your senses.
Return your mind to its original clarity.
Forget about being separated from others and from the
Divine Source.

As you return to the Oneness, do not think of it or be
in awe of it. This is just another way of separating
from it.
Simply merge into truth, and allow it to surround
you."

I am learning to unapologetically do nothing. Because I need rest, I must rest. This is not nothing, but the outside chatter tells us it's nothing. Because I am willing to rest in this "nothing," I can do everything. Eventually, I will do everything unapologetically. 

Forty-Eight

"Do you wish to free yourself of mental and emotional
knots and become one with the Tao?
If so, there are two paths available to you.

The first is the path of acceptance.
Affirm everyone and everything.
Freely extend your goodwill and virtue in every
direction, regardless of circumstances.
Embrace all things as part of the Harmonious
Oneness, and then you will begin to perceive it.

The second path is that of denial.
Recognize that everything you see and think is a
falsehood, an illusion, a veil over the truth.
Peel all the veils away, and you will arrive at the
Oneness.

Though these paths are entirely different, they will
deliver you to the same place: spontaneous
awareness of the Great Oneness.
Once you arrive there, remember: it isn't necessary to
struggle to maintain unity with it.

All you have to do is participate in it."

I am learning to move in the middle way by being willing to consider everything--neither denying nor affirming anything at first. Just being willing to behold, consider, and entertain. If I open myself thus, I can move through the rest of the process--to denial or acceptance--without confusion or fear. I am grateful for a thoughtful mind and a compassionate heart. 

Forty-Seven

"Dualistic thinking is a sickness.
Religion is a distortion.
Materialism is cruel.
Blind spirituality is unreal.

Chanting is no more holy than listening to the
murmur of a stream, counting prayer beads no more
sacred than simply breathing, religious robes no
more spiritual than work clothes.

If you wish to attain oneness with the Tao, don't get
caught up in spiritual superficialities.
Instead, live a quiet and simple life, free of ideas and
concepts.
Find contentment in the practice of undiscriminating
virtue, the only true power.
Giving to others selflessly and anonymously, radiating
light throughout the world and illuminating your
own darkness, your virtue becomes a sanctuary for
yourself and all beings.

This is what is meant by embodying the Tao."

I think the biggest thing my embrace of the Tao has taught me is how to deal with my all or nothing thinking. I no longer fall into the trap of believing things must be only one way or the other. There can be a range or a spectrum for a variety of experiences, which has nothing to do with a so-called gray area or "in-between," moral or otherwise. When I accept something as being beyond my understanding, I open the best way to begin to learn about it.