"When parents step outside the Way,
they begin to feel vulnerable.
They become afraid of,
and afraid for,
their children.
They lie awake at night,
afraid to confront,
to correct,
to love,
or to hold their children.
Each day they prepare for battle.
But when parents remain in the Way,
they face each day as a dance.
They have nothing to fear,
therefore they produce joy.
I remember many nights of worry.
I remember many days
of tiptoeing around issues,
not wanting to have a confrontation,
hoping I could avoid unpleasantness.
At times I even felt
these lovely persons
were my enemies,
hindering me
and making my life unhappy.
How foolish I was.
There was nothing to fear."
I think the first lesson of parenthood is that parenthood is messy. Having never been the neatest of persons--although goodness knows I have always tried and usually failed--I felt prepared to embrace this somewhat. What I had a harder time embracing was that it was okay not to do it "right": That my mistakes and flubs would pave the way for lessons to teach my daughter. I look back at my own upbringing and at how much of my existence was driven or ruled by fear: Of making mistakes, of being hurt, of making a fool of myself or being made a fool of. By now I know I have made enough mistakes to know how to fix them, I have been hurt enough to know something about how not to hurt others, I have been made a fool of enough times to know that making a fool of myself is one of the best things I could do. There is little I fear now besides not being available for it all.
they begin to feel vulnerable.
They become afraid of,
and afraid for,
their children.
They lie awake at night,
afraid to confront,
to correct,
to love,
or to hold their children.
Each day they prepare for battle.
But when parents remain in the Way,
they face each day as a dance.
They have nothing to fear,
therefore they produce joy.
I remember many nights of worry.
I remember many days
of tiptoeing around issues,
not wanting to have a confrontation,
hoping I could avoid unpleasantness.
At times I even felt
these lovely persons
were my enemies,
hindering me
and making my life unhappy.
How foolish I was.
There was nothing to fear."
I think the first lesson of parenthood is that parenthood is messy. Having never been the neatest of persons--although goodness knows I have always tried and usually failed--I felt prepared to embrace this somewhat. What I had a harder time embracing was that it was okay not to do it "right": That my mistakes and flubs would pave the way for lessons to teach my daughter. I look back at my own upbringing and at how much of my existence was driven or ruled by fear: Of making mistakes, of being hurt, of making a fool of myself or being made a fool of. By now I know I have made enough mistakes to know how to fix them, I have been hurt enough to know something about how not to hurt others, I have been made a fool of enough times to know that making a fool of myself is one of the best things I could do. There is little I fear now besides not being available for it all.
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