"Doing nothing while your child fails
requires great courage
and is the way of wisdom.
Gentleness when your child misbehaves
requires great self-control
and is the way of power.
Do not succumb to
berating,
scolding,
interfering,
interrupting,
lecturing,
or controlling
your child.
Let your gentle presence
teach all that is necessary.
My father tried to teach me responsibility
by scrutinizing my every action
to make sure it was done right.
I didn't really learn responsibility
until I discovered the consequences
of doing it wrong.
Every mistake your child makes
is another step forward
on the long road to wholeness.
Every time you interfere
you both step backwards."
I know that resting is not doing nothing. At the same time, I am learning that it is best to rest from situations about which I can do nothing, from problems that I cannot solve, from needs that I cannot meet. I grew up under a similar scrutiny to that which this author describes. While it taught me the conscientiousness to say, "What went wrong? What can I do?" when confronted with a difficulty, I failed to learn that when I can't do anything, it doesn't mean there's something wrong with me.
Further, I am learning (as a parent, as a partner, as a friend) that most of what people might classify as "misbehavior" is the result of miscommunication. When I misunderstand someone, or don't set an appropriate or firm boundary, or fail to observe the boundaries of someone else, mistakes result. Most of these are not "doing something wrong," but rather not controlling myself, not listening to the other person, not being gentle with either of us: Letting defenses go up and letting justifications rain down, getting distracted and not being present. Rest can bring me back to center. Doing nothing will help me heal.
requires great courage
and is the way of wisdom.
Gentleness when your child misbehaves
requires great self-control
and is the way of power.
Do not succumb to
berating,
scolding,
interfering,
interrupting,
lecturing,
or controlling
your child.
Let your gentle presence
teach all that is necessary.
My father tried to teach me responsibility
by scrutinizing my every action
to make sure it was done right.
I didn't really learn responsibility
until I discovered the consequences
of doing it wrong.
Every mistake your child makes
is another step forward
on the long road to wholeness.
Every time you interfere
you both step backwards."
I know that resting is not doing nothing. At the same time, I am learning that it is best to rest from situations about which I can do nothing, from problems that I cannot solve, from needs that I cannot meet. I grew up under a similar scrutiny to that which this author describes. While it taught me the conscientiousness to say, "What went wrong? What can I do?" when confronted with a difficulty, I failed to learn that when I can't do anything, it doesn't mean there's something wrong with me.
Further, I am learning (as a parent, as a partner, as a friend) that most of what people might classify as "misbehavior" is the result of miscommunication. When I misunderstand someone, or don't set an appropriate or firm boundary, or fail to observe the boundaries of someone else, mistakes result. Most of these are not "doing something wrong," but rather not controlling myself, not listening to the other person, not being gentle with either of us: Letting defenses go up and letting justifications rain down, getting distracted and not being present. Rest can bring me back to center. Doing nothing will help me heal.
No comments:
Post a Comment