"From a bud, only a promise.
Then a gentle opening:
Rich blooming, bursting fragrance,
The fulfillment of the center."
How frustrating and unfortunate to me is the concept of milestones. Yes, we are on this earth for finite period of time each. Yes, we are social animals who usually feel compelled to group ourselves. And so it's not surprising that when one stands out in any way, one becomes suspect, even in a supposedly individualistic culture. How much gentler I would have learned to be--even, nay, especially with myself--had I learned earlier to focus on and be open to those experiences which are uniquely mine. How much more quickly I would have learned that it's not only unnecessary but also undesirable always to follow the group. As I have stood out for my different body and my atrophied brain, I now stand out for my belated entry into married life and my struggle into that stigma of stigmas (stigmata?): "advanced maternal age." I understand now that how I feel and how I experience my own life are the only things at stake in the fulfillment of it. May I continue only to let go of that shame, horror, and ugliness that intrude from outside.
Then a gentle opening:
Rich blooming, bursting fragrance,
The fulfillment of the center."
How frustrating and unfortunate to me is the concept of milestones. Yes, we are on this earth for finite period of time each. Yes, we are social animals who usually feel compelled to group ourselves. And so it's not surprising that when one stands out in any way, one becomes suspect, even in a supposedly individualistic culture. How much gentler I would have learned to be--even, nay, especially with myself--had I learned earlier to focus on and be open to those experiences which are uniquely mine. How much more quickly I would have learned that it's not only unnecessary but also undesirable always to follow the group. As I have stood out for my different body and my atrophied brain, I now stand out for my belated entry into married life and my struggle into that stigma of stigmas (stigmata?): "advanced maternal age." I understand now that how I feel and how I experience my own life are the only things at stake in the fulfillment of it. May I continue only to let go of that shame, horror, and ugliness that intrude from outside.
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