76. Hold Tight Only to Compassion

 "It has been said by experts,

'You must be consistent,

or your children will be confused.'

Nonsense.

Who among us is consistent? 

Circumstances are always changing.

Children become confused

when parents become rigid,

holding rules about love.

Be consistently flexible.

Hold tight only to compassion.

As people age they become

either soft and supple,

or hard and brittle,

both in mind and body.

I have seen profound examples

of each type,

so have you.

Which are you becoming?

Children are flexible

in body and in spirit.

The greatest gift we can give them,

is to become the same."

I have mentioned before what a struggle it can be for me to adhere to any structure or routine. As a parent I depend a lot on my husband, who thrives on what I like to tease him about as his "schedule," to help me provide this for our daughter. I am making my peace with this difference between us by learning to see a schedule or routine as a framework for being responsive. This I know I can always do with compassion, but I have to maintain some compassion for myself, too. Finding the best way to be consistently flexible may also help me establish the kind of loving authority I hope to achieve as a caring, mindful parent--the kind that will help me make and keep agreements with my daughter, and model integrity for her, and the kind that will help me set and maintain boundaries so I don't need to fear the mistakes I will, inevitably, make.