Day 4 - #24

"A man who tiptoes can't stand.
A man who straddles can't walk.
A man who shows off can't shine.

A man who justifies his actions isn't respected.
A man who boasts of his achievements has no merit.
A man who brags will not endure.

To a person of Tao, these things are
excess food and superfluous behavior.
Because nothing good can come of them,
he doesn't indulge in them."

I, who always felt I had nothing to boast of--I overcompensated. I let myself become small. Perhaps in a way this is good, but what I mean is, I was almost ready to let my light go out. Too many times, I tiptoed. I tried not to shine. I hid. I let myself lie to myself. And then I started to believe the lies:

You can't be loved.
You can't have life.
You know bad things--only bad things.
You do bad things--the good things never will outlast.
You are bad--you deserve to die.

The worst was when I started to think
God wanted it all, too.

I never thought spiritual attack was real, until I couldn't outrun it anymore.
Facing it alone has been exhausting, but I will keep on.
I will win. If I keep being honest, I will win.

I will not tiptoe; I will stride.
I will not straddle; I will leap.
I will not show off; I will show up.

I will respect (myself)
I will endure

I will mature
I will believe (again)
I will hope (and trust and pray)
I will love (and live to be.)

I will give life.
I will ache, I will grow
I will know: joy, peace,
deep trust, deep hope, deep faith, deep knowing, deep longing.

fun healing wonder horror more
than I can say here             more
than I can share                  more
than I can have now or ever.

That's why I try to hold it lightly now - let go so I can
let myself be.