"Some behavior in your children will seem 'good'
to you.
Other behavior will seem unequivocally 'bad.'
Notice both in your children
without being overly impressed by one
nor overly dismayed by the other.
In doing so you will be imitating the Tao
which sees our behavior as a mask
and sees immediately beneath it
to the good within our heart.
Above all, do not attack your child's behavior
and attempt to change it
by endless talking and scolding.
Stay at your center and look beneath the behavior
to the heart of the child.
There you will find only good.
When you see the heart
you will know what to do.
Of course some behavior is dangerous to the child
and to others.
Express your concern with the behavior.
Do not attack the child.
Consider now a particular behavior that concerns
you.
Meditate carefully and see through
to the heart of your child.
What does it tell you?"
Sometimes when we play, my daughter hits or scratches my face and pulls my hair. Sometimes she keeps doing so even after I've told her to stop, that it hurts me. I get frustrated and start worrying that she hates my guts and is doing it on purpose--even though she is just over a year old! My husband and I have agreed to keep our rules with her simple and firm, so we are patient and gentle in reinforcing our boundaries with her about touching. It takes a lot of energy to stay present for these interactions, and sometimes I just move away from my daughter or put my head down, similar to the way she will turn away and suck her thumb when she's overstimulated. I'm trying to show her rather than tell her the impact her behavior has on me. But also, I know that in some way she is just trying to connect, and have read before about how kids who seem to be "attention-seeking" just really want to connect with their parents and other people in their lives. I also try so hard to remember that, when it comes to their parents, kids "just want you"--not the latest toy, or fashion, or trip. I worry so often that I will not be able to do enough for my daughter, but I know that with an open heart I will be plenty for her.
to you.
Other behavior will seem unequivocally 'bad.'
Notice both in your children
without being overly impressed by one
nor overly dismayed by the other.
In doing so you will be imitating the Tao
which sees our behavior as a mask
and sees immediately beneath it
to the good within our heart.
Above all, do not attack your child's behavior
and attempt to change it
by endless talking and scolding.
Stay at your center and look beneath the behavior
to the heart of the child.
There you will find only good.
When you see the heart
you will know what to do.
Of course some behavior is dangerous to the child
and to others.
Express your concern with the behavior.
Do not attack the child.
Consider now a particular behavior that concerns
you.
Meditate carefully and see through
to the heart of your child.
What does it tell you?"
Sometimes when we play, my daughter hits or scratches my face and pulls my hair. Sometimes she keeps doing so even after I've told her to stop, that it hurts me. I get frustrated and start worrying that she hates my guts and is doing it on purpose--even though she is just over a year old! My husband and I have agreed to keep our rules with her simple and firm, so we are patient and gentle in reinforcing our boundaries with her about touching. It takes a lot of energy to stay present for these interactions, and sometimes I just move away from my daughter or put my head down, similar to the way she will turn away and suck her thumb when she's overstimulated. I'm trying to show her rather than tell her the impact her behavior has on me. But also, I know that in some way she is just trying to connect, and have read before about how kids who seem to be "attention-seeking" just really want to connect with their parents and other people in their lives. I also try so hard to remember that, when it comes to their parents, kids "just want you"--not the latest toy, or fashion, or trip. I worry so often that I will not be able to do enough for my daughter, but I know that with an open heart I will be plenty for her.
No comments:
Post a Comment