Eighty-One

"With all this talking, what has been said?
The subtle truth can be pointed at with words, but it
can't be contained by them.

Take time to listen to what is said without words, to
obey the law too subtle to be written, to worship
the unnameable and to embrace the unformed.
Love your life.
Trust the Tao.
Make love with the invisible subtle origin of the
universe, and you will give yourself everything you
need.

You won't have to hide away forever in spiritual
retreats.
You can be a gentle, contemplative hermit right here
in the middle of everything, utterly unaffected,
thoroughly sustained and rewarded by your integral
practices.

Encouraging others, giving freely to all, awakening
and purifying the world with each movement and
action, you'll ascend to the divine realm in broad
daylight.

The breath of the Tao speaks, and those who are in
harmony with it hear quite clearly."

I am forcing myself to finish this on the day I found out my baby has died. There is nothing else for me to do right now, and I am relieved to be done. Of course, I had hoped to launch from this blog into a new and hopeful journey, but I guess the answer is, "Not now." I still wait. 

Eighty

"The world is full of half-enlightened masters.
Overly clever, too 'sensitive' to live in the real world,
they surround themselves with selfish pleasures and
bestow their grandiose teachings upon the unwary.
Prematurely publicizing themselves, intent upon
reaching some spiritual climax, they constantly
sacrifice the truth and deviate from the Tao.
What they really offer the world is their own
confusion.

The true master understands that enlightenment is not
the end, but the means.
Realizing that virtue is her goal, she accepts the long
and often arduous cultivation that is necessary to
attain it.
She doesn't scheme to become a leader, but quietly
shoulders whatever responsibilities fall to her.

Unattached to her accomplishments, taking credit for
nothing at all, she guides the whole world by
guiding the individuals who come to her.
She shares her divine energy with her students,
encouraging them, creating trials to strengthen
them, scolding them to awaken them, directing the
streams of their lives toward the infinite ocean of
the Tao.

If you aspire to this sort of mastery, then root yourself
in the Tao.

Relinquish your negative habits and attitudes.
Strengthen your sincerity.
Live in the real world, and extend your virtue to it
without discrimination in the daily round.
Be the truest father or mother, the truest brother or
sister, the truest friend, and the truest disciple.
Humbly respect and serve your teacher, and dedicate
your entire being unwaveringly to self-cultivation.
Then you will surely achieve self-mastery and be able
to help others in doing the same."

I feel frustrated when contemplating how little time any of us has here. At the same time, I often marvel at how little time even a monumental-seeming task can take. The anticipation expends more energy than the doing; in the words of my step-dad's dad, "...won't get done just thinking about it!" This blog, at this time, represents my efforts to ground myself both inside and outside my own head. At the moment I can only guess at the effectiveness of it all, especially as I have felt my momentum slowing. By now I hope for a graceful, rather than just a timely, finish--and for the energy to keep going with the many projects I have struggled with over the years. Perhaps it's time to put old struggles to rest, as I take up new ones to face new life challenges. 

Seventy-Nine

"Those in future generations who study and practice the
truth of these teachings will be blessed.
They will acquire the subtle light of wisdom, the
mighty sword of clarity that cuts through all
obstruction, and the mystical pearl of
understanding that envelops the entire universe.
They will attain the insight necessary to perceive the
integral truth of the Tao.
Following this truth with unabashed sincerity, they
will become it: whole, courageous, indestructible,
unnameable."

I have indeed been blessed by my pursuit of the Tao over the years. Especially as I move so slowly toward the end of this part of the project, how much wisdom I have actually gleaned remains to be seen. I rather hope I won't be too aware of it, instead finding myself buoyed by the indestructible and unnameable at moments when I'm fractured and lack courage. The fact that I have reached such a point in life at all points to the indestructible and unnameable in its very pursuit of me! 

Seventy-Eight

"There are many partial religions, and then there is the
Integral Way.
Partial religions are desperate, clever, human
inventions; the Integral Way is a deep expression of
the pure, whole, universal mind.
Partial religions rely on the hypnotic manipulation of
undeveloped minds; the Integral Way is founded on
the free transmutation of the plain, natural,
immutable truth.
It is a total reality, not an occult practice.

The Integral Way eschews conceptual fanaticism,
extravagant living, fancy food, violent music.
They spoil the serenity of one's mind and obstruct
one's spiritual development.
Renouncing what is fashionable and embracing what is
plain, honest, and virtuous, the Integral Way
returns you to the subtle essence of life.
Adopt its practices and you will become like they are:
honest, simple, true, virtuous, whole.

You see, in partial pursuits, one's transformation is
always partial as well.
But in integral self-cultivation, it is possible to achieve
a complete metamorphosis, to transcend your
emotional and biological limitations and evolve to a
higher state of being.

By staying out of the shadows and following this
simple path, you become extraordinary,
unfathomable, a being of profound cosmic subtlety.
You outlive time and space by realizing the subtle
truth of the universe."

What I'm seeking here is a deep expression of my own mind, and a chance to connect more deeply with what, and Who, is important to me. I am in a time of slowing down and changing focus, but I am determined to see this project through to the end, whenever and wherever that may be. 

Seventy-Seven

"Humanity grows more and more intelligent, yet there
is clearly more trouble and less happiness daily.
How can this be so?
It is because intelligence is not the same thing as
wisdom.

When a society misuses partial intelligence and
ignores holistic wisdom, its people forget the
benefits of a plain and natural life.
Seduced by their desires, emotions, and egos, they
become slaves to bodily demands, to luxuries, to
power and unbalanced religion and psychological
excuses.
Then the reign of calamity and confusion begins.

Nonetheless, superior people can awaken during times
of turmoil to lead others out of the mire.
But how can the one liberate the many?
By first liberating his own being.
He does this not by elevating himself, but by lowering
himself.
He lowers himself to that which is simple, modest,
true; integrating it into himself, he becomes a
master of simplicity, modesty, truth.

Completely emancipated from his former false life, he
discovers his original pure nature, which is the pure
nature of the universe.

Freely and spontaneously releasing his divine energy,
he constantly transcends complicated situations and
draws everything around him back into an integral
oneness.
Because he is a living divinity, when he acts, the
universe acts."

I count myself grateful that I have learned to apply my intelligence in the pursuit of wisdom. By becoming more in tune with myself, I hope I can understand the world and my place in it. I am just starting to discover my personal power. I used to regret that it seems to have taken so long, but now I appreciate my staying power. 

Seventy-Six

"Who can save the world?

Perhaps one who devotedly follows these teachings,
who calms her mind,
who ignores all divergence, who develops a high
awareness of the subtle truths,
who merges her virtue with the universal virtue and
extends it to the world without expectation of
reward.

She will indeed be the savior of the world."

This saving business is everyone's business. We like to create a culture that tells us we can't save anyone, or solve anyone else's problems. That may be specifically true, but a companion truth is that we all have things and people we care about, things and people we would lay down our own lives for. "Save the whales." "Save the bees." We can all do a lot more for each other than any of us will ever know. 

Seventy-Five

"Would you like to liberate yourself from the lower
realms of life?
Would you like to save the world from the degradation
and destruction it seems destined for?
Then step away from shallow mass movements and
quietly go to work on your own self-awareness.

If you want to awaken all of humanity, then awaken
all of yourself.
If you want to eliminate the suffering in the world,
then eliminate all that is dark and negative in
yourself.
Truly, the greatest gift you have to give is that of your
own self-transformation.

So find a teacher who is an integral being, a beacon
who extends his light and virtue with equal ease to
those who appreciate him and those who don't.
Shape yourself in his mold, bathe in his nourishing
radiance, and reflect it out to the rest of the world.
You will come to understand an eternal truth: there is
always a peaceful home for a virtuous being."

Lasting change, I think, is never really about elimination, but transformation. One might read this and say, "Well, that's obvious, change = transformation." Not really. Change is easier, or at least faster. People often say about situations, "Things can change in an instant." While that's true, transformation has to do with our response to the change. Shall I stay in the dark, or start a fire to bring light? Does the negativity always have to be bad, or can I be with it long enough to learn how to handle a negative situation differently? These are the questions I am learning to ask myself. While I can say that on one hand it's taken a long time, on the other it refreshes me to think this is only the beginning. 

Seventy-Four

"There are those who derive energy from worshipping
and meditating on divine beings and deities.
If you feel inclined to worship, then worship these:

Worship the fiery sun, repository of yang, and the
watery moon, repository of yin;

Worship the spiritual centers of men and women,
which are angelic in every sense;

Worship the Eight Great Manifestations: Heaven,
Earth, Water, Fire, Thunder, Lake, Wind, and
Mountain;

Worship the sixty-four hexagrams of the I Ching,
which illuminate the underlying harmony of the
universe;

Finally, worship the Great Tai Chi, in which all things
are contained, balanced, and reposed."

Encountering the many great truths of the universe has helped me to be unafraid in facing the truth of my own being and life. It is the greatest blessing to understand and act on co-creating the truth to which I have been called. 

Seventy-Three

"The teacher cannot aid the student as long as the
student's spirit is contaminated.
The cleansing of the spiritual contamination is not the
responsibility of the teacher, but of the student.
It is accomplished by offering one's talent, resources,
and life to the world.
Also, to the teacher and to the immortal angels that
surround him, a healthy student can offer his pure
energy, and a depleted student can give at the very
least food, or wine, or service.

When one gives whatever one can without restraint,
the barriers of individuality break down.
It no longer becomes possible to tell whether it is the
student offering himself to the teacher, or the
teacher offering herself to the student.
One sees only two immaculate beings, reflecting one
another like a pair of brilliant mirrors."

The biggest thing teaching has taught me is that the teacher/student relationship is not a dichotomy; we are all both, all the time. We all have times of depletion and times of purity. If I am consistent in offering, even if what I have to offer varies from moment to moment, I will have done right.